DONKEY!!!

You don't need to be reminded that I'm a big Gordon Ramsay fan. I love his passion, his attitude and his sense of humour. And of course, the show that got me started on this adoration was Hell's Kitchen.

I've watched every season. I remember during the summer three years ago when I lived with my sister and her boyfriend how we would gather around my laptop and watch episodes that had been recently uploaded to YouTube while eating a dish that Ramsay himself had posted online like broccoli soup or sticky lemon chicken.

It looks like baby vomit!

Yes, I've been faithful to the show and for some reason it's doesn't seem to get stale or boring...except for this season. It's no fault of Ramsay because whether he's throwing a hot pan in someones face or complimenting them on a perfect risotto, he's always entertaining.

The chefs he has as contestants this season...they just suck so far as I'm concerned. I don't know, their personalities are either bland or bitchy and I really can't believe how quickly these so called men develop vaginas over the course of a few dinners. Plus, how can they screw up stuff that's been on the menu for almost every season. Sorry, but if you haven't got any idea on how to do scallops then you might as well have me take your place, cause I can do scallops.

"Those scallops look lovely, Schweitzer-Man. Service, please."

Plus, five minutes into the first episode and you knew something was off. It was so obvious that the contestants themselves had noticed it and were voicing their displeasure.
No Jean-Philippe.
What in the hell? Yeah, he's back in London working as a maitre'd at another Ramsay restaurant but come on. The dude said he'd never return to Europe and then he just ditches the loyal TV audience like that.

OK, well, he had his reasons and they were legit. But I'm sure that whomever they've got to replace him can surely live up to expectations and while not replace good ol' JP, can certainly be a worthy successor.

Oh...no!

This is what we've got as a substution for the immortal JP? His name is James and don't even ask me where he's from because I don't think his accent can figure it out either. With JP, everything he said, it had that bit of Frenchiness to it...even though he was from Belgium. But with James, it's like his accent is a mix of Texan, British, French and just a drop of Dutch.

Think I'm joking? In episode five of this season, the blue team is doing a punishment and folding laundry. One of the fat guy's pretends that it is a dress and begins flaunting around in it.
"Fat guy in a little table-cloth..." (Apologies to Chris Farley)
James sees this and is unamused. He says something but the problem is his accent at the time is in the mixer and nobody has provided subtitles. So what is he saying?

"Do not cease my lemmings"?
"Do not caress my lemons"?
"Do not increase my limits"?
"Do not crease mile eating"?
Turns out it was "Do not crease my linens" but in all honesty, we could have been here for hours guessing.

After a while, I was just getting bored with it and stopped watching it. However today, after finishing a bi-weekly assignment, I decided that I would spend the time necessary to catch up. Imagine my shock and disbelief when I found out that I hadn't missed everything because the show was on hiatus due to baseball.

So now, I'm not sure whether to count my blessings or if I should catch up on what I've missed on The Apprentice, which I'm surprised to discover I've enjoyed more than this season of Hell's Kitchen.

JP, we hardly knew thee