Thursday, July 28, 2011

Don't F@&! With Alex Trebeck

I can remember being four years old and sitting at the TV with my dad while he watched Jeopardy and got almost all of the questions answers correct. I often wondered what it would be like if he were to ever go on the show but thankfully TV provided the answer for me.

Anyway, one thing associated with Jeopardy, aside from the music during the Final Jeopardy segment, was it's host Alex Trebek. Always there with that 'stache of his till about ten years ago, I thought that he was...well, just a little...bland. Never really did anything exciting, not that it was expected of him, however I think the show would have had better ratings if he acted more like he did when filming this commercial. Imagine someone screwing up the Daily Double and Alex tells you the correct response before muttering, "Dumb bastard." That's a great way to get big ratings without using creepy Ken Jennings.
Not gonna lie, Ken. Mormons freak the hell out of me

Well forget all I said in the last paragraph because according to the news, you don't wanna fuck with Alex Trebek...especially when you try to steal from him. Yeah, the dude is 71, his hair is pretty white, not a spring chicken. Still, I'm willing to risk anything to say that Alex Trebek would have kicked this woman's ass! I mean, shit, she's lucky that the dude wasn't even five years younger, he probably could have done some serious damage.

Picture it, it's late, everyone's either sleeping and out partying. You're sneaking through Trebek's apartment, stealing his tailor-made suits, cutting holes in his briefs, thinking how you've dealt him the biggest bruise to his ego since Sean Connery when all of a sudden the door bursts open. There's Trebek, anger in his eyes and vengeance in his words.

"The category is 'Your Life'," he says in the familiar voice that you can recognize almost anywhere. "The answer is: 'A broken arm, a ruptured spleen, several missing teeth, broken ribs and Alex Trebek's shoe stuck firmly in your ass."

While Trebek speaks, all that's going through your mind (Aside from his words) is whether or not Trebek will mind that you've just ruined the floor in the room by pissing your pants all over it. You stumble to explain yourself and beg for mercy but you're cut off.

"The correct response is, 'What injuries will Alex Trebek inflict on me in the next thirty seconds?'"

And then your world goes dark.

Still, even though that's not what happened, this woman is lucky that she got out of this with her life. Trebek could have just run away like a little girl and called for security but instead, he took matters into his own hands. Probably didn't turn out the way he had hoped but the woman was arrested, likely to face prison time and most likely spending the rest of her life thanking God that she was spared the wrath of Alex Trebek.
"Tell that punk Sajak he's next if he doesn't watch his step."

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