Monday, September 27, 2010

So You're NOT Joey?

Typecasting sucks. When I did acting I was usually typecast as the villain but that didn't bother me at all. It wasn't as if I was making a living from it, it was just amateur theatre. However if all you're known for is playing some brain dead asshat and as a result you can't get any work and people aren't sure whether you're dead or alive...then yeah, typecasting can suck.

No, no, I'm not picking on Jennifer Aniston again. I got enough flack from my dad for doing that. I haven't heard such a pathetic plea to leave a washed-up celebrity alone since Chris Crocker. Instead I'm focusing in on Matt Leblanc, who recently got pissed off simply because someone greeted him in a way similar to his character on Friends, Joey Tribbiani.

"Leave Jennifer alone! She's a HUMAN!!!"

Holy crap, Joe-I mean, Matt, lighten up. How do you know they're someone who didn't recognize you and were just given you a casual greeting? Shouldn't you be grateful that the person wanted to know if life was treating you good since Hollywood isn't?

But at the same time, I'm sure it's pretty frustrating that everybody knows you simply as "Joey". I mean, what's with people? There's no way that after playing the same character for ten years on a highly rated NBC sitcom and then going into your character's own self titled (and disastrous) spin-off series that people would only recognize you as that same character.

Well, God dammit, I'm on your side. Matt LeBlanc is not just Joey but he's...uh...hang on, let's see what IMDB can find for us...ah, here we go. In 1996, LeBlanc stepped in for Marlon Brando and took the lead role in the movie Ed, a film about a monkey that becomes a pitcher for a baseball team.

Shouldn't LeBlanc's name be above him and not the monkey?

Sure the movie was a flop at the box office and your monkey co-star was said to show more emotional depth than you, but dammit this is a start.

OK...next we have...well, this is sort of good and sort of bad. As we all know, in 1997 and 1998, the big movie on the mind of everybody was one of the worst films of all time, Titanic. For a movie about a ship that sank on it's first voyage, this film stayed around longer than necessary and was number one at the box-office until a film based off a 1960's TV show starring a certain friend (Ha...ha) came and sank it.

Unfortunately that film was Lost in Space.

Wow, they all look so vapid and uninteresting. How could film possibly suck?

I remember seeing this movie in theatres when it came out. It was cool to look at but at the same time it was just so stupid. I don't wanna sound like I'm ripping off the Nostalgia Critic, but I agree with him when he says that this movie is bad on the same levels as Batman and Robin.

Hmm...both films were crap, yet George Clooney still has a career. Perhaps LeBlanc should have done what Clooney did and constantly refer to himself as the character he portrayed. Clooney was still calling himself Batman even after the Chris Nolan films came out, so why couldn't LeBlanc have called himself...who did he play again? Oh, right Major Don West. You have only yourself to blame for this mistake, Joey-I mean, Matt.

"Nobody ask me 'How you doin...', alright? I'm late for my job at the Post Office."

Then there was the film Charlie's Angels. I looked on Wikipedia and nowhere does it even mention your character in the plot...so yeah, best to just ignore that...and the sequel.

And that's it. That's all you've done and it's all crap. So you can't be pissed off when people recognize you as the character in the one piece of entertainment that wasn't a piece of shit...even though Friends was really stupid.

Hey, hold on, IMDB, has you listed as a producer. Now that's a step in the right direction. Everyone rips Ben Afflek's acting but he does good work as a director. So, what blockbuster film has your name on it as a producer?


Budget: $47,000,000.
Box Office Gross: $10,547,117

Oh, I had no idea, I'm so sorry, I'm just going to stop right now before I drive you deeper into depression.

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