Wednesday, June 1, 2011

How To Make Boring Flights Fun

I like flying. I don't do it a lot but if I'm going home for a vacation, it's the only way to travel. However, one thing bugged me about today's flight: No television. It seems that a wire got loose or something, I have no clue, and that shut off the TVs all throughout the plane.

That sucked for me because I had my headphones, ready to watch anything that might hold my attention and also because I had bought the latest issue of The Ring magazine but had accidentally put that with my luggage which was being loaded onto the plane. So while I was flying, I thought of ways to make airline travel much more interesting when you. Most of these are Star Trek related, so try not to complain too much when reading.

1) Re-enact the plane scene from "Commando"-One of my dad's favourite comedies, and one of my favourite Schwarzenegger films, Commando has a good scene where Arnold is on a plane with one of his daughter's kidnappers. In an attempt to escape before takeoff, Arnold requests a blanket and a pillow, then quietly knocks the guy out and breaks his neck, then using the blanket and pillow to cover up the deed.

Getting off before takeoff is going to take a lot of ingenuity but since this is Arnold, he gets it done no problem. He approaches the back and a dumb stewardess stops him.

"Sir, you need to remain seated during takeoff!"

Arnold just looks at her and simply says, "I'm airsick."

Re-enact that. Granted it will probably get the flight delayed because they think you're going to try and ignite an explosive in the bathroom but...actually there are no real upsides to doing this."Ja, wait till you see what I read on dees blog."

2) Pretend you're going into warp speed-Yeah, yeah, big Star Trek nerd but this quick little time killer can have you pretending you're commanding your pilot to activate the warp engines as Captain Picard demonstrates here. This might freak a lot of people out and most likely get you kicked off the plane so again, use at your own discretion. "Make it so, Schweitzer-Man."

3) Have Fun With Turbulence-Turbulence can be fun if you pretend that life is like a video game and if you die you can just start where you left off at. However for those who know better, turbulence can be kinda scary. There are options to make turbulence a bit more fun.

Be a Hero: Wear a Superman shirt. But wear it underneath a light jacket or shirt. That way when it starts shaking, you can stand up (Try not to stumble or you'll look like a pansy), rip open your shirt/jacket and say, "Don't worry, I'll take care of this" and move towards the back like you're going to save the plane. I wore a Superman shirt on my plane ride and when it got really shaky a woman two seats over (There was a free seat in between us) grabbed onto my arm. Does anyone else agree that Superboy from "Young Justice" looks a LOT like me?

Be Like Picard...or Kirk: Yep, going back to Star Trek again, this time, instead of shouting to go to warp, just pretend you're sitting in the captain's chair, press one of the buttons and say something standard like, "Engineering, transfer auxiliary power to impulse engines! We've less than ten minutes before this sun goes super-nova."
Again, don't shout but say it loudly enough so that the people in the same row as you can look over and have a WTF look on their face.

Or if you really wanna have fun with it, ham up your delivery like every Shatner impersonator and do your best Captain Kirk impression.

"Mr. Scott, you' to TRANSFER auxiliary power to the impulse engines if we...planonescaping! The lives of millions...hanginthebalance!!!"

"We're Under Attack!": Again, going back to Star Trek, during the original series, the budget wasn't as high and special effects weren't as advanced as they are today. That and the acting wasn't always the best. Usually when the starship Enterprise got hit by enemy fire, you'd see some crew members falling one way while others fell another. If you don't believe me, just watch the last five seconds of this clip. So when the plane shakes a little bit, just over exaggerate your movements. That or try to time it perfectly so you fall into some hot chick's lap. Happy landings indeed.

Klingons are responsible for turbulence aboard most starships

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