The "Frasier" Reboot/Relaunch/Revival/Resurgence/Regurgitation/Resurrection/Revamp/Return

I'm gonna let you in on little secret that I feel has been out there for quite a while and some of you probably had assumptions about, if you were paying attention. Now I'm sure there might be some of you who are a bit shocked by this but I'm doing this because times have changed and what might have been a bit taboo when I was a teenager, has become a lot more socially acceptable now.
If this concerns you, I just ask that you understand and try to see past the label but...here we go.

Character Damage Control: Commander Chakotay

 Oh, Star Trek: Voyager, like my parents' attitude in regards to myself, I do love you for what you are, but I also know you were capable of so much more.

You know my story, I'm a huge fan of the TNG Trek era (That's pretty much from 1987 to 2005) but Voyager was special because it was the first one I was going to properly watch from the beginning. And I was hyped from first episode to the last. But in the more than 20 years since the final episode aired, me and a friend have always thought of ways that we would improve things.

So I'm back again, this time to maybe build on a character who had a lot of potential but sadly they never reached their full potential with and that would the show's First Officer, Commander Chakotay, played by Robert Beltran.

That touch of gray in his hair will be gone by the end of season 3...

The Comics Conundrum: Robin #156

I can remember moving to the city of Waterloo in 2007 and discovering a comic store within blocks of where I lived. In that first visit (The first of many during the summer months I lived there), I remember passing a rack of DC comics back issues and I saw a title that I had been familiar with in the past but hadn’t read for a long time: Robin.

Movie Review: Klaus

When it comes to Christmas movies, I find myself sticking with the classics. It’s A Wonderful Life, Home Alone, A Christmas Story, The Santa Clause, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

On a recent plane ride I did check out the 1994 remake of Miracle on 34^th Street and found it a bit…bland. I don’t know what it was but a lot of it felt very forced and artificial.

By no means was it bad but I’m not overly fond of remakes and Mara Wilson’s character being wise-beyond-her-years got tiring very quickly. However, I’ll give high marks to Richard Attenborough as Kris Kringle in the film. The man made a remarkable Santa Claus.

 But last night after we finished dinner and my Dad decided to go to bed early, my Mom & I turned on Netflix searching for something holiday-themed that we could watch. Now I might have been tempted to see if Home Alone was available (It wasn’t) but then I remembered a Christmas film that came out last year that I had missed but told myself to catch the following year. That movie was Klaus.

Movie Review: Halloween (1978)

This was a review for John Carpenter's "Halloween" that I wrote a few years ago after watching it at a nearby theatre.

 "Halloween started as a low-budget horror film about babysitters being stalked by this serial killer, not a man with a backstory but a force of evil."

-John Carpenter, 2001

"Laurie Strode was EVERYBODY'S daughter, everybody's sister and therefore, if you believed Laurie Strode existed, then when Michael Myers comes in you are afraid for her."

-Jamie Lee Curtis, 2001

Movie Review: Halloween (2018)

This was something I wrote on Facebook two years ago after seeing the latest "Halloween" movie at the time.

In his review of Halloween from 1978, Roger Ebert gave the film four stars and compared it to Hitchcock's "Psycho".

Having just returned from seeing Halloween, the new sequel, I too can compare that to "Psycho".

Unfortunately, it's the remake of "Psycho" from 1998, directed by Gus Van Sant which made a lot of people ask, "What's the point?"

Movie Review: Jaws

"What is special about 'Jaws' is that it hits, in everyone, a primal fear of the unknown that's in water.

-Roy Scheider (2001)

In 1975, a young, then-unknown, Steven Spielberg in only his second effort as director, released a thriller called Jaws, based off the bestselling novel by Peter Benchley. Throughout the years, most people recognize the movie more than the novel and if they did read the novel, they'd find it's the exception to the rule of, "The book is better than the movie."

Know what this movie needs? A subplot where Brody's wife cheats on him with Hooper.

The Comics Conundrum: Max Overacts

It was in April of 2014 at the Calgary Expo on the last day of the show for that year. I found myself walking towards the back of the hall where there were some food vendors when I noticed a table with a particularly eye-catching picture on the table.

I'll be honest, I use this line quite a bit to make myself sound clever...

The two characters were Max (left) and his best friend Klaus (right), stars of the webcomic, Max Overacts. I briefly chatted with the creator of the series, Caanan Grall and decided to purchase the first volume of the comic. The one picture had made me laugh and figured the book might give me a few chuckles.

Movie Review: "What We Left Behind: Looking Back at Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"

I remember back in May of 1994, it was the finale to Star Trek: The Next Generation and the build up to this finale was massive. A show that had a bumpy beginning had now become the most popular show on television and they were bowing out and it seemed like everyone was treating this as the big deal I, as a seven year old, knew it to be.
The finale lived up to the hype, was a perfect way to wrap up the series and cap off a season where the show was starting to run out of ideas.

When Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ended in June of 1999...it barely made a blip on the entertainment radar.

"Sensors confirm no coverage from Entertainment Tonight or Entertainment Weekly, Captain."

The Comics Conundrum: Go Go Power Rangers!

Power Rangers in one form or another has been around since I was around six years old. I remember seeing it for the first time in first or second grade but in all honesty, I never thought it was that great.

More Christmas-Themed Entertainment

Two years ago, I made a list of TV specials and episodes that I considered to be my favourite to watch during the Christmas season. It was all in fun and the truth is that I really do enjoy all that stuff proving that I am forever going to be an eleven year old trapped in a man's body.

But recently I got to thinking if I had covered everything that enjoyed watching as a youth and as an adult. Thus, my list of More Christmas-Themed Entertainment

Animation Observation-Young Justice: Welcome to Happy Harbor

'Welcome to Happy Harbor' has the distinction of not only being the first episode to air after the two-part pilot but also for having the longest title in the whole series. After the action packed, mile a minute pace of 'Independence Day' and 'Fireworks', this episode is more relaxed and serves as a vehicle for us to understand some of the characters (Particularly the newly introduced Miss Martian) a bit better. Onto the review...

Review: Man of Steel

For a lot of kids, the first superhero they're exposed to growing up is Superman. When I was younger it was Batman but as I got to the age of six or seven, I really became interested in Superman. I'd read whatever comics my parents were nice enough to buy, even though I didn't always understand the continuity going on and when I was in grade two, me and the teacher wrote to the ABC network after he heard talk that Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman was in danger of being cancelled. I was such a big fan of the show around that time that I even used to wear a home made Superman shirt to school once a week.

And for the record, the show stayed on the air several years after we mailed that letter. I don't know if we had any impact on it's remaining TV run or not but I still have the letter that ABC sent me in reply. I watched the Superman animated series that aired in the mid-nineties and while it never reached the popularity of...another animated series, I think it might actually be a bit underrated at times.

"Someone's playing Superman 64? I'll stop them!"

Book Review-Zits: Chillax

Any similarities between the character on the cover and the author of this blog are (hopefully) coincidence and (hopefully) unintentional

I was probably in grade six when my parents called me over to look at a comic strip. In it, a teenage boy was chained in a dungeon while a voice off-panel asked him how his day at school was. The next four or five panels featured something similar: An exercise in torture with a side of everyday questioning. The last panel showed the teenager looking physically spent, sitting at a table with his parents simply saying they weren't holding an inquisition. 

Since most of the questions from my parents concerning school and the like felt like that to me when I was that age-and to this day-I instantly knew that I had found something special. This was the comic strip Zits. 

My Favourite TV Themes

Back a few months ago, I did a podcast with The Basement Vagrants where we discussed our favourite TV themes/intros. I went back and listened to that and thought that while my list was good, there were some choices that I either neglected to include or shouldn't have put on in the first place. 

It's very hard for me to rank these to other than the final two on this list (Which I consider the best), so any other entry on this list, I enjoy equally. 

Harry Kim: The Whipping Boy of Star Trek: Voyager

For those of you reading this blog for the first time or with short memory-spans, I'm a huge nerd. In 1995, when I was in the third grade, I was super mega ultra excited for the premiere of Star Trek: Voyager on the brand new UPN.

After 10 years in which Voyager's been off the air, it's reputation hasn't improved as is the case like other series in the Star Trek universe, like Deep Space Nine. I was mostly blind to this until after the show went off the air but do I hate it? Hardly. It's a show you can watch if you're bored and want to kill some time because it's raining outside and you're too lazy to do anything else.

If you're not familiar with the back-story of ST:V, I'll try to summarize it as best I can: A crew of Starfleet officers and outlaws (The Maquis) must join forces to make the long journey home across 70,000 light years of space, cut off from any back up. Oh and they pick up a hot ex-cyborg along the way who saved the show from being cancelled.

In the future women's fashion becomes air tight for some reason...


But also on the show was a young, inexperienced officer, fresh out of Starfleet Academy, eager for his first deep space assignment...and of course he gets stranded halfway across the galaxy and thus will probably never see any of his friends, family or fiancee ever again. This was Ensign Harry Kim.
And his character was constantly getting fucked over.

That look of possible fear and dread...that's normal for Harry

So I'm going to take a look at the history of this character and how he was constantly getting screwed by the people around him who were supposed to be his friends and colleagues. There are probably too many examples to list, so I'm just going to give you the ones that stick out to me the most.

1) Graduates are Good but Drop-Outs are Awesome: In the second episode of the series, after realizing how boned they are since they're 70+ years from backup of any kind, the crew has to replace the original chief engineer who was killed in the first episode.

Before I go any further, I should address one major problem with Voyager. The Maquis are outlaws who were Federation citizens who chose to stand up for themselves after the Cardassians kept messing around with them. Starfleet was against the Maquis and declared them outlaws, prompting a lot of Starfleet officers to join them in the process. These are the outlaws who join the Voyager crew and become part of the Starfleet system. The problem is that it happens too quickly. Hell, at the end of the pilot, all the Maquis are in uniform with no problem at all. I mean, sure, they felt the Federation turned a blind eye to all the crap going on in the DMZ, but why let that get in the way of sub-par story telling?

Anyway, one of the members of the Maquis crew is B'elana Torres, a half-human, half-Klingon who assaulted a fellow crew-member in the second episode. She was either dropped out or kicked out of the Academy (They never could get the story straight) and yet somehow this person ends up not only becoming chief engineer...but also gets a promotion to Lieutenant even though she didn't even make it through her second year at the Academy.

So think about that: Captain Janeway knows that Harry has worked to be in Starfleet his whole life and yet makes him subordinate to someone who not only couldn't graduate but even fought against the ideals of Starfleet. Oh and that fellow crewman she assaulted? Yeah, he was actually next in line to be chief engineer.

"Life's a bitch, even in the 24th century."

2) Betrayal is Bad but Blue-Balls are Worse-In a later episode we discover that not only was Harry Kim a promising young man on his first assignment, but he was also dating a lovely young woman back on Earth named Libby.

Now, when the love of your life is halfway across the galaxy and probably thinks you're dead...you're gonna play the field. Sadly Harry Kim sucked at relationships and it became a bit of a joke to his best friend, Tom Paris, later in the show. The dude had gone so long without any Starfleet snatch that he fell in love with a hologram. That's right. He fell in love with a computer simulation.

Although he did get a chance to score with one of the hottest babes this side of the Delta Quadrant, Seven of Nine. You might think, "Well, what's the problem?"

I said he did get a chance...but he never took it.
 For a while Harry was attracted to this ex-Borg who was doing her best to regain her humanity and at one point she was willing to go all the way...and Harry declined. Not only did he decline, but he did it in a way that you would have thought she was going to scoop out his eyes with a rusty spoon. Harry, when Seven of Nine offers you sex, you say "YES!!!" Any blue balls after that point are your own fault.

Seriously, Harry...why?

Enter the episode titled "The Disease". He has intimate relations with a member of an alien species without consulting his doctor (A big no-no in the 24th century which didn't exist when Kirk was banging any female that moved a hundred years ago) and more or less picks up VD. I should note that's not entirely what the title of the episode is referring to...give it a watch, you'll understand.

The funny thing is, she was white before Kirk had sex with her

Captain Janeway is not very pleased that her golden officer has broken a rule and gets so pissed off at him that she puts a full reprimand on his file which could affect his future in Starfleet (FYI: It doesn't).

Compare this to the Doctor's actions in the episode "Flesh and Blood". The crew encounters a group of holograms who kidnap the Doctor (A hologram himself) but later return him when they see that he is not a slave. However when he finds out that the Voyager crew are planning to destroy the holograms, he betrays them and sides with the holograms, who also kidnap Torres as well.

I won't go into too many plot details but by the end, the Doctor realizes the error of his ways returns to Voyager. He submits himself for punishment...but Captain Janeway blames herself and says that she is just as responsible. She even goes so far as to call it an "Away mission".

Harry Kim gets laid, does no damage to anyone but himself...full reprimand.

The Doctor betrays his friends and colleagues, does damage to his vessel and endangers many lives...not even a slap on the wrist.

And wait, I recall an episode where the Doctor himself got laid! OK, granted it was...with another hologram. But still...shit!

"Take off your clothes and step into my office."

3. With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?-Within the first episode of Voyager a sort of bromance was established between Harry and former Starfleet/Maquis member Tom Paris. Tom was originally just an observer, on the mission to offer advice on where the Maquis might be hiding. But afterwards when most of the crew was killed, he was given a full promotion to Lieutenant (Just like Torres) and made chief navigator.

I don't have too much of a problem with that because Tom graduated from the Academy and had a career before he was discharged for covering up an accident that killed three officers. He later joined the Maquis for something to do and was arrested on his first mission. But he proved himself a worthy officer for the job and never had any problems.

Except the one time he hijacked a shuttlecraft to launch a terrorist attack against an underworld society that he fell in love in the hopes of saving it and was only stopped thanks to absurd timing on behalf of Captain Janeway, who demoted Tom to the rank of Ensign.

But hey, don't expect to last for too long because less than 18 months later he was back to being a full Lieutenant with the ability to boss Harry around all he wants.

And in that time, there aired an episode titled "Warhead" where a weapon of mass destruction took control of the Doctor's program and was using Voyager to carry him to complete his mission to destroy a civilian settlement.

Locked in Sickbay with the weapon, Harry is able to uncover that the mission has been cancelled and convinces it to abandon it's mission and destroy other weapons on the same mission. So great, Harry saves not only his shipmates and ship, but probably hundreds of thousands (If not millions) of lives...and stays an Ensign.

Garret Wang, the actor who played Harry, actually brought it up to the creators of the show that his character probably should be promoted but they told him that, "Somebody's got to be the Ensign."

I should note that when Star Trek: TNG and Star Trek: DS9 had their series finalies, there were no characters who had the rank of Ensign. Yeah, even a supporting character like Nog, who went to the Academy later than him would get to Lieutenant before Harry did. And to be fair, Harry only got his promotion in paperback books after Voyager went off the air.

"Harry, get your best friend-me-some beer. That's an order!!!"

4) Getting Screwed in Real Life-After Voyager went off the air, Garret Wang has been pretty critical of the show and how it was run and I don't blame him. During the last two years, Star Trek: DS9 felt like it was about a whole group of people on this massive space station.
During the last two years on Star Trek: Voyager, it felt like the show was only about Janeway, Seven of Nine and the Doctor. Wang wasn't a bad actor on the show, none of them were (Except for guest stars) but as characters they weren't given any development sometimes and Harry Kim is the biggest example.

Wang is also the only actor in the history of the franchise to be denied the opportunity to direct an episode of Star Trek. Why that is, I have no clue. They could have done more with his character and had a great opportunity when Wang was named one of People magazine's 50 sexiest people alive.

Harry Kim was a character that could have had a lot of potential but instead he was always getting screwed by the people around him which was a result of the writers and producers. But things could have been worse...he could have been a character on Star Trek: Enterprise.

When two characters have obvious chemistry, the best thing to do is make sure they don't hook up

Cinemassacre's Monster Madness

If you've been on the Internet, chances are you've heard of James Rolfe, also known as the Angry Video Game Nerd. While I'm not the biggest fan of toilet humour, Rolfe seems to have this ability to make shitting on a bad video game hilarious to me. I can't explain it but something about taking a massive dump on the Nightmare on Elm Street video game always leaves me in stitches.

Every day for the month of October, Rolfe goes through the history of horror films and reviews one movie (On rare occasions will he review two in one day) starting with the oldest films he can find and working his way up to the modern era. Every year has it's own theme and this year he's been going over sequels. If you're a film buff, like movies or movie reviews, check out Cinemassacre's Monster Madness.

Yeah, nothing really funny in this post but I really admire Rolfe's work and think that good work deserves a shameless plug. Not that I'm gonna drive up his hit count or anything...

Simpsons Did It Last Week, Seth!!!

When I was a little kid, my parents were prudes and therefore, sucked at times. I remember being 10 years old and both of them denying me to watch The Simpsons. These days I do my best to prevent children from watching The Simpsons but that's for entirely different reasons which should be obvious to everyone.

However imagine my shock and amazement in 1999 when there was no objection to us watching Family Guy. Maybe my dad was starting to develop a sense of humour, maybe he was attracted by the  main character who may or may not remind others of him, who knows? But we used to watch it together and laugh...until it got cancelled.

What is the most commonly used phrase at the FOX network?

I was excited when it came back. However that excitement quickly faded when I saw that the episodes were...not bad (Not yet, anyway) but underwhelming. They just seemed focused on dragging scenes on and on with boring dialogue, repetitive jokes that didn't go anywhere and musical numbers that made it obvious the writers were putting little effort into what they were doing.

I haven't watched any episodes within the last two years because I got tired of the same jokes over and over and Seth MacFarlane singing. To me, it looked like they were going to keep milking this cow for as long as they could like The Simpsons did and he would do the same with American Dad and The Cleavland Show. It's not like a lot of creative process was going into the making of those shows anyway.

Do I need to go on?

So you can imagine my shock when I read this week that Seth MacFarlane was thinking about ending Family Guy. Now, this might have a lot of fanboys turning white with fear but I don't think you have anything to fear. Look, if he wants it to end, then he would have ended it. Don't be dumb like Larry King and think Seinfeld was cancelled; it went off the air because Jerry Seinfeld felt he had done enough and because he didn't want to do any more episodes.

So what's holding you back, Seth? Surely you read Internet message boards (Probably not) but even you have to know that the quality of the show has dropped big time. Talk to any fan and they'll most likely say that the stuff from the first three season were the best the show ever did.

Look, Seth, I know that people have accused you in the past of copying from The Simpsons but you're doing that right now. For the past two weeks there was all this talk about The Simpsons cast having to take a pay cut and whether it might mean the end of the show or not. Though given how often the show is on so much in syndication, they must be making royalties off of that (Occupy Evergreen Terrace, anyone?) and given how the show is shit these days, the pay cut is well deserved.

And all this talk about you wanting to bring back Star Trek to TV? Look, I already went into great detail about this on the last podcast I did for The Basement Vagrants, it's probably going to be a long time before we see Star Trek on TV and even then there's no guarantee it will succeed. Besides, you're already concerned with bringing The Flintstones back to TV (Cuz the 18-24 male demographic was begging for that) so just leave the 24th century alone.

And there might be some people who say, "Hey, he's a Trek fan and he also guest starred on episodes of Star Trek! Why not him?"

My response:

A) So what if he was a guest star on an episode? William Shatner was the star of the franchise and yet we still got the cosmic turd known as Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. And yeah, I know about the difficulties involved in making that film. I don't give a shit.

B) He was a guest star on an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. And that's all I will say about that

In conclusion, I don't believe Seth when he says stuff like this. If he wanted to end it, he would have ended it or announced that this would be the last season. I personally think he's just making this up in a pathetic attempt to draw ratings. But if you are sincere in your claims, do it sooner than later.

What is the favourite activity of FOX animation writers?

Batman: Year One

For some unexplained reason lately I've been on some sort of Batman obsession. If there's anything that might have sparked it it's the constant flow of speculation about The Dark Knight Rises. I've seen photos of what might be a Batplane, people are bitching about Catwoman's costume, footage of filming is being leaked and the rumours never seem to die.

What might also be helping is the reboot of the entire DC Universe. That's right, everything old that was new and became old again is new again. Batman's been fighting crime for only five years now or something...I don't know. I didn't follow the news that closely however I might go and pick up some issues since everything should be easy to follow. But instead I'll tell you what I thought of a Batman collection I'd been meaning to pick up for some time.

Relax, this was before Frank Miller directed 'The Spirit'

First off, if you're worried about being confused by comic book jargon, back stories and whathaveyou, you can relax. This story explains everything for those new to the Dark Knight although if there's one significant difference is that Commissioner Gordon has a son when most people know that his only child is his daughter, Barbra, later goes on to become Batgirl and then Oracle.

I really liked this book and have re-read it twice since I got it two weeks ago. If there's one thing that surprises me about the story is that it's more of Jim Gordon's story than it is Batman's. More pages seem to be dedicated to him than the Caped Crusader and he also seems to be doing more monologuing and at times it seems as if we don't know enough about Bruce Wayne, what he was doing for the past 12 years (He is 25 in the story meaning that he's been gone since he was 13) or how he revealed his plans to Alfred. Did the faithful butler know that his employer was out doing reconnaissance work when he got stabbed and shot or did he answer the bell at the end of the first chapter to find a bloody Bruce Wayne insisting that he not call an ambulance since it would jeopardize his future plans?

"You're young, rich and healthy...but instead you want to fight crime dressed as a BAT!?"

Then there's the issue of Selina Kyle who starts out as a hooker and eventually becomes Catwoman. Now that's all well and fine but I'm somewhat curious as to how many hookers know karate. I'm not joking either, when she attacks Bruce Wayne, he notes that she knows karate but just karate. Most hookers I've met use tazers or pepper-spray. That or just a kick to the nuts.

Her story seems...too brief. It almost feels like there was supposed to be a lot more in there but the editors cut it out. Hell, the last we see of her is just one small panel where she's bitching about she's being suspected of being Batman's accomplice. Jump to a month later in the story and not even a mention of her. Considering how much Frank Miller likes to write female characters who are whores or just parading around in their underwear these days, you'd think he'd have some sort of conclusion where her and Batman have some sort of detailed encounter where he warns her to stay away and hints that he might know her secret identity or something. I don't know, it just feels like there's no proper conclusion.

Wait, is this Catwoman or a dominatrix?

Also, there's not a lot of Batman in the final chapter of the story. The last action scene doesn't even involve Batman, it's just Bruce Wayne wearing a motorcycle helmet. Was it just not logical that it take place at night, during Gordon's day off? Plus, it would have been nice if we ended with a shot of Wayne in the Batcave (Something that was always mentioned but never shown) finishing up or halfway through construction of the Batmobile. I'm very curious how he was able to get from Wayne Manor to Gotham City and back all those times.

But does this mean that it's a bad story? Nope. It's a great story. A must read for any Batman fan or anyone who wants a superhero story that feels grounded in real life. It may have stuff that stick out as flaws to me but I only noticed because that's what happens when I re-read stuff for the third or fourth time. It doesn't take away from my enjoyment.

But also reading this makes you a bit sad. Given what Frank Miller has done creatively in the last couple of years (All Star Batman and Robin, The Spirit movie) you have to wonder what happened. Stories like Batman: Year One and The Dark Knight Returns are considered the best graphic novels of all time, right up there with Watchmen. And yet the most memorable thing he's given us lately is:

Seriously, Frank...why?

Bringing Real Life to Sesame Street

Like a lot of kids, I watched Sesame Street when I was a little kid. By the time you're about four years old you've outgrown it but still, it's one of the first TV shows that you watch. And you can probably remember most of the characters: Big Bird, Snuffy, Grover, Elmo and of course Ernie and Bert.

Now, before I get into this whole controversy about the petition to get them married, let me just say that this never occurred to me until I was about 12. That was when Jerry Falwell was railing against the Teletubby known as Tinky Winky, insisting that he was a homosexual character. I remember a comedian suggesting that if Falwell go after any characters that were supposedly gay, he should go after Bert and Ernie.

Can you tell me how to get the hell out of this neighbourhood?

And yeah, everyone's joked about this but in all seriousness, come on, do you really think this stupid petition is going to work? They're fucking muppets, they don't have a sexual orientation. But I've seen things from the other side and thought, "Why should we stop with gay marriage for Bert and Ernie? Shouldn't this show cover other hot topic issues that younger audiences might care about?" I thought so and that's why I wrote a letter to Childrens Television Workshop, detailing some very interesting storylines which I'm sure views will enjoy.

1. Immigration-Maria and Luis decide to go on a cross country road trip but encounter some trouble when they enter the state of Arizona. It turns out that Luis has been living in the country illegally and now faces deportation! The residents of Sesame Street rally to try and get a good lawyer as well as teach children outside of North America how to keep a low profile while waiting for your fake green card to arrive in the mail.

Naturally I don't think this would work in real life because, I mean, come on, Sesame Street teaching kids to break the law? You're more likely to find an episode of Barney where he teaches those kids how to roll a joint.

This would attract the 18-39 demographic that always eludes them...

2. Hoarding-After black mold nearly kills him, Oscar the Grouch is confronted by the residents of Sesame Street about his lifestyle. It is revealed that Oscar has abandonment issues and fears losing everything of value which is why he holds onto everything...even if it really has no value. It is also revealed that Oscar hasn't bathed since the Truman administration.

This will be a great chance for Sesame Street to do a crossover with A&E's Hoarders. Plus, it'll teach children at an early age that no matter how bad you think your own life is, there's always someone on TV you can point to and say, "Holy shit, that dude's messed up!"

3. Narcissism-Elmo gets his ass kicked by people who are sick and tired of his dumb 'Tickle-Me' ass always speaking in the third person. He is encouraged to get well but also told that it will probably happen again unless he doesn't change his ways.

I don't care if I sound like a total asshole when I call for the beating and near death of a "beloved" television character. Would you want your kid to grow up always referring to themselves in the third person? No, it's annoying and you'd kick their ass if they weren't your kid. And if you say you wouldn't then you need your ass kicked.

Someone has to stop him...

4. Addiction-Everyone knows that Big Bird's best friend is Mr. Snuffeupagus, also commonly referred to as "Snuffy". But it is revealed that the nickname comes not from a shortening of his last name, but due to his addiction to cocaine. Snuffy is caught by Big Bird doing three lines of cocaine, each line a metre long. He insists that he can quit anytime but decides to go to rehab after nearly ODing outside Mr. Hooper's store.

This would be a great episode to show kids that it's OK to ask for help when you've really fucked up. And it would also show that if you care enough about your friends, you'll do anything you can to help them. Plus it would include special guest star Charlie Sheen as himself.

The way this guy spoke, you knew he was on something illegal

5. Facing Facts-I'm not sure about the rest of you, but sometimes when I was a little kid, I wasn't sure if Big Bird was a guy or just a really butchy female bird. Now it's obvious that he's a boy but since we're trying to cater to all audiences, why not just have Big Bird admit that he's a hermaphrodite?

Why not? Come on, everyone knows this one is true. You can have Big Bird admit that he's a hermaphrodite and have special guest star Lady Gaga do the same thing. That and have someone beat her up for her narcissism as well.

Oh you've gotta be kidding me. And I thought Paris Hilton was desperate for attention