My Favourite Christmas Themed Entertainment

Last year around this time I presented to you my list of The Greatest Christmas Specials Never, a list of Christmas specials that we sadly never got to see (My sister thought the Full House one was real). However this year, I think I'm going to go over some of my favourite Christmas themed episodes from TV series as well as movies that some people may not pay much attention to. So without further ado, grab yourself some egg-nog, sit down and enjoy my list of Favourite Christmas Themed Entertainment EVER!!!

1) Batman: The Animated Series-"Christmas With the Joker"

OK, if you don't like this show at all (I'm looking at you, Katelynn) then I have to question your sanity. And if you can't enjoy watching Batman and Robin trying to stop the Joker from killing three of our favourite side characters on Christmas eve, then you lack a soul.

One of the many things that made this series work was that they had an incredible cast of voice actors. Every voice suited the character it belonged to and no greater example could be made than Mark Hamill as the Joker. I'm sorry, a part of me still can't believe that freakin' Luke Skywalker voiced Batman's greatest nemesis. And Hamill just shines in this episode, from the opening scene where he escapes from Arkham Asylum (He waves goodbye to Charles Manson just before exiting-I shit you not) to when he uses a sock puppet to blow up a bridge that a train is crossing. You can laugh along with him and at the same time he has enough of an edge that makes you think, "Yeah, I'm not fuckin' with this dude."

Looking like this and still managing to be threatening is why Mark Hamill is the best Joker. Sorry, Heath

Apparently the Joker was originally supposed to kidnap some random family but the network had the writers change it to Commissioner Gordon and the lot because a random family might have been frightening to younger audiences. Look, I think I was six when this episode first aired and nothing about this show ever frightened me.

It's a great episode from a great series and the perfect way to put you in the crime-fighting mood this holiday season.

2) A Pinky and the Brain Christmas

According to my father, he came home from work early one morning, turned on the TV and caught and episode of the awesome Pinky and the Brain and was hooked. We watched it when it aired in prime time on Sunday nights and we loved it. So when we found out that there was going to be a full half-hour Christmas special, we knew that we had to tape it for him.

Going undercover as elves at the North Pole, our two favourite rodents bent on global domination attempt to have Santa plant a brainwashing toy in every house throughout the world. Of course things can't go right and that's where the episode shines in terms of comedy and moments that tug at your heart.

I watched this episode just yesterday and I can honestly say that near the end as the Brain reads Pinky's letter I was getting misty eyed.

Yeah, that show A) how emotionally screwed up I am and B) that this show truly was one of the best things on TV at the time. I haven't been able to catch it on TV in years and was lucky to find it online but if you're fumbling around cable and happen to see it on your program guide, stop what you're doing for 30 minutes and watch this because it is genius that's currently lacking in today's TV programs.

A quick note: When we watched this in 1996, the scene where Brain screams at Pinky, "Give me that stupid letter" caused me and my sisters to laugh and say, "That's Dad."

3) Batman Returns

This movie takes place around Christmastime and for some reason I really get in the mood to watch it around this time of year. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with a recent podcast I did with The Basement Vagrants but for the past few days I've had this movie on my mind.

Is it a perfect movie? No, not really but in a way it seems perfect for it's time and a good adaptation of the Caped Crusader. However it is entertaining and doesn't leave me bored. I remember being a little kid, begging my parents to let me see this movie. Sadly, at the time, they sucked as parents and said no. However that didn't stop them from buying me Batman toys and storybooks based on the movie that was apparently too violent and vulgar for me. Hypocrisy much, Mom and Dad?

PS: I think the Wayne Manor/Batcave playset is still in their crawlspace and for sale I might add. We shall start the bidding at $1000

I think I might even have the box this came in

4) Gordon Ramsay Christmas Specials

If food porn like this doesn't have you salivating for holiday meals, then I don't know what will. True story, last year when I was home for Christmas, I showed this video to my Dad, who immediately demanded I go out and by croissants and smoked salmon. This was Christmas eve but I was able to get it done cause I'm awesome. We made this Christmas morning just like Ramsay shows you and it was really amazing.

5) Almost Every Christmas Themed Sketch from Mad TV

I'm sure I've said it before but I'll say it again: During the mid 90's to early 2000's, Mad TV did stuff that would have me in stitches while Saturday Night Live was descending into the mediocrity it happily resides at today. It can't hold a candle to what Mad TV was doing and it's a pity that the seasons haven't been released on DVD yet. Anyway, there are so many sketches to go over so I'll just give a quick rundown of some of my favourite Christmas themed sketches from Mad TV.

A) Magic Johnson's Kwanzaa Special

Aries Spears is someone who could make my Dad laugh doing anything and he was in top form when parodying former NBA superstar and failed talk show host, Magic Johnson. While they could have gone the easy route and makes jokes about Johnson being HIV positive, Spears plays him as an illiterate idiot, being cancelled by the networks at every turn. I think what also makes this sketch work is Pat Kilbane as Al Gore. I can honestly see the former VP going up to Magic and saying, "As salaam alaikum".

B) Rooftop Memories

When I was younger, I would be the one who would heave to help my parents put up the lights around the house for the holidays. Now that I don't live there anymore, I don't know who helps or even if they bother to put up the lights. However, if they are still putting them out, I imagine this is how it usually goes.

C) Opening Christmas Presents from Mom

I'm not going to name names, but at least over ten years ago, I recall a girl I know being worried around Christmas because she was afraid she would appear ungrateful by not showing enough verbal excitement over what she was given. It had her worked up to the point of tears which made me want to smack the stupid out of her.

Anyway, this sketch reminds me of her. While everyone is opening up their presents they receive from the mother, despite the excitement over what they're getting, she seems to think that they hate their gifts. The sketch reaches it's comedy climax when Alex Borestein screams, "What is your problem, you rag bitch!?" This is a common line when opening Christmas presents at my house.

D) Holiday Fantanas

I've never had a Fanta drink in my life so I don't know if they are as good as this sketch claims. However Paul Vogt, the actor who plays Beth, apparently took inspiration for his character by viewing footage of my younger sister drunk on the Internet. He has her mannerisms down pat.

E) Santa's Real Workshop

Look, we all know that toys aren't made at the North Pole, so what would happen if a little kid found out where all of Santa's workforce comes from?

Plus, I wish I could be like this Santa. Just walking around all day, pelting people with sugar cubes.

F) Stuart's Nativity Play

What kind of Mad TV list would this be without an entry involving Stuart?

For as many people I know who love Michael McDonald's signature character, there are just as many who HATE this character. I think the people who hate Stuart are more upset that kids like him exist in real life and have parents that are just as doting and blind as Doreen. This is your average Stuart sketch, him being bratty, somehow getting down to bikini briefs and saying, "Look what I can do!" but at the same time, it's Stuart playing Jesus. You don't see that everyday.

G) Suge Knight's Christmas Album

Again, with just the simple motion of opening his eyes really wide with his with that our family come join his for the holidays, Aries Spears had my dad in stitches. The Eminem parody might be a bit off today but ten years ago that was dead on.

H) Paul Timberman, Christmas Tree Episode

The joke in my family is that this character is based on my Opa, who has had several injuries in his life but never quite to the extreme as poor Paul Timberman.

I) Tickle Me Emo

This was one of the few Mad TV sketches that was able to get the YouTube treatment with people making hundreds of copies of it. This was a hilarious take on those damned Tickle Me Asshole Elmo dolls which came out at the time. What surprised me about that video was the debates some people would get into about Emo's. Some objected to Emo having a My Chemical Romance sticker on his vest but who gives a shit. It's funny. Laugh, damn you!!!

6) Mickey's Christmas Carol

I remember having this on tape as a little kid and probably haven't seen it in over 20 years. It's a very faithful adaptation of the Dickens classic and shorter than I remember considering that they are able to cram it into a half hour short feature. A lot of today's younger generation probably won't recognize some of the characters from less familiar Disney features but they're bound to enjoy it nonetheless. The scene with Scrooge falling into his grave near the end always freaked the shit out of me.
Say what you want about Disney being for little kids, it's a hell of a lot better than that damn adaptation with Jim Carrey from two years ago.

7) The Muppet Christmas Carol

I was bored last weekend and decided to see if this was any good and despite being mostly marketed at kids, this was actually pretty well done and more faithful than the Disney version above. Plus, it's got frickin' Michael Caine as Scrooge and he's awesome in almost everything.

What I actually like about this is that there aren't any familiar muppets as the three spirits that visit Scrooge. In fact, most people compare them to Harry Potter characters than anything Jim Henson created. It's your usual Muppet tale with humans interacting with creatures like it's an everyday thing and stuff like fruits and vegetables talking (Who eats that stuff?) and was the first Muppet movie made after Jim Henson died.
I think he'd be impressed with what they did.

Speaking of a Christmas Carol, I was hoping to find the 1999 version with Patrick Stewart but all I can find is just trailers from YouTube. I'm a bit let down that people nerdier than me haven't uploaded it because it's fucking Captain Picard playing Scrooge. Who wouldn't love to see that?

Vegas Vacation: Coles Notes Edition

Normally, I could bombard you with a recap of my trip to Las Vegas with a summary so detailed that Tom Clancy would find it longwinded but instead, I'll just go in point form:

• Walking in -30 weather with howling wind is a bitch.
  
  
• Getting to the gate for the flight was one long maze of lines, scans, questions and bullshit that seem so easy to get around that it's a miracle there aren't more terrorist attacks in North America.
  
  
• Aaron's friend Oleg is a nice guy despite living in Edmonton. He and Aaron met on the internet and at this point, I'll allow you to make your own To Catch a Predator joke.
  
  
• Aaron claims he wants to get back into boxing which shocked the hell out of me. I plan to sell him my heavybag for five times what it's worth.
  
  
• Flights can suck ass when you wait an hour on the runway for them to de-ice the plane. Seriously, a whole hour just waiting. A word of advice to any people who want to fly out when it's really cold: Pre-drink.
  
  Flight 547 to Las Vegas is now boozing
  
  
• Nearly suffered heatstroke once we landed in Vegas.
  
  
• Our hotel was right across from Caesar's Palace. Sadly, it was not as extravagant. Did have a better buffet though.
  
  Breakfast of champions
  
  
• Heavy drinking was one of the activities we lined up for ourselves however it was probably a bad idea to eat only two hot dogs before downing drink after drink after drink.
  
  
• I can understand people visiting Las Vegas but for the life of me I can't understand how anyone can live there.
  
  
• Four Loco is an alright drink for the first few sips but after that it's like punch at a high-school dance that someone spiked way too much.
  
  No es bueno
  
  
• We didn't stay up all night partying unlike the people below us however I'm very certain that when it was all done they played 'That's All Folks' from Bugs Bunny.
  
  
• We spent our first night looking for a strip club but when that didn't work we tried looking for the buffet in our hotel which was even more pathetic considering we kept walking past the stairway.
  
  
• It was probably a good thing though since we were so wasted that we would have been thrown out.
  
  
• Aaron came up with the good idea of going to The Gun Store so we can shoot stuff. It sounded like a good idea so we went.
  
  Special discounts for children and psychopaths
  
  
• You know how in the movies someone who has never fired a gun before will pick one up and turn into Clint Eastwood. Yeah, that's a load of shit.
  
  
• I was having a hard time deciding which gun to shoot however I ended up picking the Baretta, just like Robert Blake.
  
  
• There were many targets to choose from and I decided to go with a zombie clown. Aaron took the zombie soldier (Headshots were a must) and Oleg took one that had two bad guys on it. The taller guy was pointing a gun and screaming and the guy in front of him looked like that midget from Fantasy Island.
  
  "What did I ever do to you, Oleg?"
  
  
• The people who work at The Gun Shop were packing heat at all times. Aaron even saw on the website that if you didn't drop the gun when they told you to, that they would shoot you.
  
  
• Apparently Katelynn doesn't like guns. The Gun Store employee deemed her a 'hippie'.
  
  
• Aaron probably did the best out of the three of us. I was only lucky to manage one headshot on my Zombie Clown. However, truth be told, I had to hold back lest my identity as a former assassin be uncovered.
  
  
• After shooting our loads (So to speak) we went back to the hotel for a bit and then decided to do more sightseeing. I mentioned how Mandalay Bay had a boxing museum that I was interested in checking out. And since we could get buzzed along the way, off we went.
  
  
• As I mentioned earlier, just because it looks close doesn't mean that it really is. We walked, drank, drank, walked, stopped to drink, stopped to pee and then drink some more before walking a lot more.
  
  
• I felt kinda bad for Aaron and Oleg because they're not boxing dorks like I was and yet here we were, busting our asses just to get to Mandalay Bay for a museum. At one point I told them that they could go back to the hotel and rest (And drink some more) but they insisted we stick together.
  
  
• If I didn't wear the camera strap around my neck, Aaron would owe me a new camera. He decided it would be funny to poke my ribs while I tried to focus in on a shot. Naturally had the camera been damaged, I would have had to kill him but thankfully, this was not the case.
  
  Aaron caused me to take this...
  
  ...when I was going for this.
  

• The Mandalay Bay fight museum was...smaller than I had expected. And naturally, I almost got us kicked out within ten seconds of entering because I didn't notice the 'No Cameras' sign.
  

• I don't see the harm in me taking a picture of De la Hoya's trunks he wore against Vargas but if those are the rules...
  
  
• Was a bit disapointed that most of the stuff was actually up for sale. I mean, yeah in hindsight it might be cool to own some small part of boxing history. But to have it for sale in a museum? Just didn't sit right with me.
  
  
• Surprised they didn't have any Manny Pacquiao shirts for sale for $10. I would bought one and started wearing it right then and there.
  
  
• From there it was more walking but this time back to the hotel. Thankfully there were trams that could take us from hotel to hotel but sometimes it felt like we were doing the same amount of walking.
  
  
• You'd think we would have been tired after all this walking but once we rested our feet back at the hotel, we decided we would head to one of the strip clubs we couldn't find before. And since we had free passes, we'd be kinda dumb to not use them.
  
  
• "Little Darlings" sounds like a strip club that features midgets. Oddly enough, one guy did offer us passes to Larry Flynt's strip club which features naked midget mud wrestling. Pass.
  
  Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.
  
  
• We weren't even in the club for two minutes and already Oleg was being felt up. Sadly it was by security after he kept setting off the metal detector.
  
  
• We were greatly disapointed that the strip club didn't even serve alcohol. Instead they offered us soft drinks. Cause everyone knows nothing goes better with a lap dance than Mountain Dew.
  
  
• There was one dancer named Pink who I swear had the upper body of a twelve year old boy. However she made up for her lack of boobies by...humping somebody's baseball hat. I'm not kidding. The guy didn't look to happy about it either.
  

• If you want to read more about what happened at the strip club, pick up this month's issue of Penthouse.
  
  
• I was enjoying the scene but for some reason, when receiving a lap dance, I wanted to burst out and sing, "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts".
  
  
• I don't understand why guys think they have to buy souveniers for their girlfriends. Seriously, they'll get over it. Besides, do you think they'll be envious of the crabs you picked up from that stripper and how there wasn't any left for her?
  
  
• Every time I said, "That's my last beer," I was being handed another one. And I drank it.
  
  
• Yes there is footage of me shotgunning a beer. Yes, Aaron and Oleg are full of crap when they say I only did about 1/4 of it, it was more like 3/4 (I would know, I was the one drinking). And yes, I did throw up for over a minute. OK, it wasn't like a minute long puke or anything. Think of it like puking in segments.
  And no, I will not upload it.
  
  
• After the first one Oleg asked, "Did you throw up?" despite being the one holding the camera and pointing it right at me.
  
  
• Even though they were laughing at my expense and I told them, "I fucking hate you guys", I still had a smile on my face.
  
  All the beers I drank
  
  
• Halfway through my barf Aaron told me to finish my beer however I had already put the can down and chances are that I puked on that as well as the balcony.
  
  
• It was funny that immediately after throwing up everything I had eaten up to that point, the next thing I wanted to do was get back to the buffet.
  
  
• I suck at gambling
  
  
• Last day was kind of bittersweet. It was a nice vacation but like all good ones it felt too short and we knew that we were leaving nice warm weather to go back to hell frozen over.
  
  
• If I ever go back to Vegas, I think it will have to be the weekend of a big fight.
  
  
• Viva Las Vegas

New Room

No longer confined to the stamp-book sized room of a Travelodge hotel, I'm now lodging in the computer room of Aaron and Katelyn's home. 

It's a nice warm room which is perfect considering that the outside has turned into a winter wonderland...in fall. I've been applying to jobs, hoping to get employment anywhere. My dad said that I have two weeks which is fine with me.

If I don't find anything here, I'm more than likely to move out to the Northwest as a last ditch effort. Sure to everyone else it might sound like prison but think about how many people have gone to prison and came out better? Not enjoying this weather too much but it's tolerable so long as I have a hat and gloves. Other than that, not much else to report. Plan on making my special veggie and meat sauce sometime this week (probably Thursday) in some way to show my thanks and keep myself busy.