Schweitzer-Man and the Freaky Deaky Tiki

When I took over the task of watching Lyle for Aaron and Katelynn, I was under the assumption that they would return the morning on Monday, the 25th. So you can imagine my surprise as I heard the door opening on the morning of the 24th as Lyle started pacing around like mad as the lock on the front door started to click.

Naturally since it was Easter Sunday I assumed it was an attack by the Easter Bunny and was just about to load my AK-47 to greet the bastard when it turns out that it was Aaron and Katelynn returning home. I could get into a whole rant about how Aaron had previously told me it was the 25th but I won't. And you'll probably ask, "Why would you want to use an AK-47 on the Easter Bunny? He's such a lovely, cuddly creature."
My answer: You clearly didn't see the Easter Bunny in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. That thing is scary.

This is the face of a bunny that will do horrible things to you...

Since I was such a good boy in taking care of Lyle and not burning down their house, Katelynn gave me a little souvenir she picked up in Hawaii. It was a miniature tiki. Mine was the god of money. She had also brought home the rock from a volcano which she meant to give to Aaron's mother. She also noted that it was apparently cursed or something.
"Perfect gift for your future mother-in-law," I said.

So I'm back in my usual home with a little tiki giving me face of either intended horror or constipation. However just before going to sleep this morning, I decided I would check the mailbox. Sure enough, there was an envelope with my name on it. I opened it up and was delighted to see my tax return had arrived from the government. I'm not going to reveal the amount, but needless to say, I think the tiki is working.

Behold my new God!

The House-Sitters Club

People usually mistake me for a superhero given the way my name sounds. And the truth is that I usually like to help people when they really need it and if it allows me to show of the awesomeness that is me.

With that in mind, you shouldn't be surprised how quickly I lept into action last Tuesday when I got a call around nine o'clock in the evening from Aaron's fiancee, Katelynn. The following is a transcript of that call.

Schweitzer-Man: (Yawn) Yes?

Katelynn: Oh, Schweitzer-Man! You have to get to our place right away, you're the only one who can help us!!!

Schweitzer-Man: Damn right I'm the only one who can help. Now, what's the situation?

Katelynn: It's our dog, Lyle! He needs your help, this is an emergancy!!!

Lyle is a weiner dog who has a bizarre fetish for ovens (Not kidding) but is pretty cool for a dog. So if he's in danger, you bet your ass I'm going to help. Two seconds later I was outside Aaron and Katelynn's house. I decided to enter the house since knocking would only delay any rescuing that might need to happen.

Schweitzer-Man: I'm here!

Katelynn: OK, now that you're here, Lyle needs to be watched until Aaron and I get back from Hawaii early Monday morning. Bye!!!

In truth, what really happened was actually funnier than I made it sound but needless to say, I'm taking care of Lyle and he's really gotten use to me. As I'm typing this he seems to have fallen asleep on my lap.

It's cool having my own place, being able to cook my own meals, not having to hear crying babies although Lyle whimpers endlessly every time I go to the bathroom. One thing I wish the little guy would do is try to get a stronger bladder. Seriously, dog, just try to go twelve hours without pooping.

Admit it. You said, "Awwwwww" when you saw this picture

Housing and Gastronomy and Transportation-OH MY!!!

I've been in my new room for almost a week and I must say that I really love the privacy that I have. The whole floor is basically mine though my landlords usually use the basement for exercise and all that. I must say that even though I'm getting a nice supper almost every evening (though not tonight nor tomorrow), I really wish I had my own kitchen.

Movin' on Down

 OK, while my new place may not be up to the standard of George and Wheezie. Again, I seem to be lodging in a computer room which might lead to some problems but I don't see that happening. A king size bed is nice as well as my own bathroom though it's not on the same floor. Still, I long for the day where I have my own kitchen where I can create some of Gordon Ramsay's masterpieces as well as not having to worry about being too loud for other people living in the house. That and if I had my own place I could enforce my "Clothing Optional" policy when alone. Which leads to my roommates. I live with a nice young couple and their two kids. Twins, a boy and girl, 14 months old. For little kids they sure weren't the most talkative. I remember how my neighbour's grandkids would jabber on for hours and hours when they were that age. These ones just stared at me, wondering who I was and why I was there to begin with. Later on before going to bed, the little boy watched me in amazement as I bounced a ball back and forth between my hands. I'm told that they have a tendency to bite things so I'll have to be careful. The longer walk to the train station in the mornings is probably going to be best described as a bitch but there's not much else I can do about that except request that I start a little bit later than 6:30AM but at the moment, considering the staffing problems we have already at work and how things seem to go to shit whenever my shift is always done, early mornings work just fine.