A Little Prediction

 I loved That '70s Show's early seasons but it seemed to jump the shark after Eric & Donna broke up.
This week we've got That '90s Show premiering on Netflix. I'll check it out but before I do, I'm gonna make a small prediction about it.

The "Frasier" Reboot/Relaunch/Revival/Resurgence/Regurgitation/Resurrection/Revamp/Return

I'm gonna let you in on little secret that I feel has been out there for quite a while and some of you probably had assumptions about, if you were paying attention. Now I'm sure there might be some of you who are a bit shocked by this but I'm doing this because times have changed and what might have been a bit taboo when I was a teenager, has become a lot more socially acceptable now.
If this concerns you, I just ask that you understand and try to see past the label but...here we go.

Animation Observation: Batman: The Animated Series-On Leather Wings

    In September of 1992, I was preparing to enter the first grade. That June I had turned six years old and the one thing I probably asked my parents for the most was their permission to go see one of the biggest movies of the year: Batman Returns. 

    I was pretty Batman crazy as a kid. The first Halloween I can remember, I went as Batman. For my fifth birthday I got two Batman videos on tape (One being the 1989 film and the other being the 1966 movie starring Adam West and Burt Ward) and some Batman toys. However even though I had gotten colouring books, action figures and story books based on the movie I wanted to see, my parents were steadfast in their denial. What made it worse was that at the time, all over my bedroom I had newspaper clippings about the movie all over my room despite the fact I didn't know how to read them.

    But...there was hope. On the local FOX station, their weekday afternoon line-up showed commercials for a new animated series starring none other than Batman. I knew that while my parents wouldn't let me see Keaton, Pffeifer and DeVito, there was no way that they would deny me the chance to see the greatest hero of all time on TV. NO WAY!!!

    Around Labour Day we were visiting my Tante Kim in Toronto. We were watching TV in her apartment when my dad announced that it was time to go. All of a sudden, a cartoon I hadn't seen before had started it's opening theme.

I knew what I was watching and suddenly realized that I could not miss out on this opportunity.
"We have to stay!" I insisted to my folks. 

Looking at the adorable six year old in front of them, they both shrugged and relented.
"But only for a half-hour," my father told me. "Is this a half-hour?"
"Yeah, yeah!" I said, even though I had no idea how to tell time. 

The episode we watched was On Leather Wings.

Calgary Expo 2017 Wish List

Well, here we are again, once again it's time to slowly start gearing up for the Calgary Expo. While I may have been a bit critical of their guest line-up last year, (Feeling there was more of an emphasis on celebrities than comic creators) I must admit, I had a great time. Picked up some great comics, some great art, met some artists I admired. Even got to do a fist bump with Stan Lee-how cool is that?

Oh and he upped the resale value of my Spider-Man trade paperback...

And as they've recently announced guests like Nathan Fillion, Christopher Lambert, Danielle Panabaker, Millie Bobbie Brown and Jim Shooter, I figured that I would give them a list of people I would like to see them invite this year. 

Kill The Batman...For A While Anyway

What is it about Batman that we love so much? For 75 years the Caped Crusader has been one of fiction's top good guys with his adventures leaping out of the pages of comics books and graphic novels and onto a live action series, video games, several animated series and two series of movies. There's no doubt that Batman is more popular than he was back in the 1930's. 

But at the same time, I think that we've become a little spoiled with Batman. Granted, I'm not talking about movies or comics, but more in the medium of animation. It's easier and more believable to do an animated series staring the Dark Knight than a live action probably would be. But sadly, I think there's been an overdose of Batman lately and we need to nip it in the bud. Take a look back over the past twenty years and see if you agree with me.

Animation Observation: Batman The Animated Series-Christmas With the Joker

When you're a kid, nothing is more fun and exciting than Christmas. Hell, I'm an adult and as cynical and sarcastic as I can be at times, having Christmas day off to enjoy good food and relax is still something that makes me happy. And when I was six, nothing made me happier than Christmas and Batman. Combining the two can lead to...interesting results. One of them was 'Christmas With the Joker' from Batman: The Animated Series

 

My Favourite TV Themes

Back a few months ago, I did a podcast with The Basement Vagrants where we discussed our favourite TV themes/intros. I went back and listened to that and thought that while my list was good, there were some choices that I either neglected to include or shouldn't have put on in the first place. 

It's very hard for me to rank these to other than the final two on this list (Which I consider the best), so any other entry on this list, I enjoy equally. 

Harry Kim: The Whipping Boy of Star Trek: Voyager

For those of you reading this blog for the first time or with short memory-spans, I'm a huge nerd. In 1995, when I was in the third grade, I was super mega ultra excited for the premiere of Star Trek: Voyager on the brand new UPN.

After 10 years in which Voyager's been off the air, it's reputation hasn't improved as is the case like other series in the Star Trek universe, like Deep Space Nine. I was mostly blind to this until after the show went off the air but do I hate it? Hardly. It's a show you can watch if you're bored and want to kill some time because it's raining outside and you're too lazy to do anything else.

If you're not familiar with the back-story of ST:V, I'll try to summarize it as best I can: A crew of Starfleet officers and outlaws (The Maquis) must join forces to make the long journey home across 70,000 light years of space, cut off from any back up. Oh and they pick up a hot ex-cyborg along the way who saved the show from being cancelled.

In the future women's fashion becomes air tight for some reason...


But also on the show was a young, inexperienced officer, fresh out of Starfleet Academy, eager for his first deep space assignment...and of course he gets stranded halfway across the galaxy and thus will probably never see any of his friends, family or fiancee ever again. This was Ensign Harry Kim.
And his character was constantly getting fucked over.

That look of possible fear and dread...that's normal for Harry

So I'm going to take a look at the history of this character and how he was constantly getting screwed by the people around him who were supposed to be his friends and colleagues. There are probably too many examples to list, so I'm just going to give you the ones that stick out to me the most.

1) Graduates are Good but Drop-Outs are Awesome: In the second episode of the series, after realizing how boned they are since they're 70+ years from backup of any kind, the crew has to replace the original chief engineer who was killed in the first episode.

Before I go any further, I should address one major problem with Voyager. The Maquis are outlaws who were Federation citizens who chose to stand up for themselves after the Cardassians kept messing around with them. Starfleet was against the Maquis and declared them outlaws, prompting a lot of Starfleet officers to join them in the process. These are the outlaws who join the Voyager crew and become part of the Starfleet system. The problem is that it happens too quickly. Hell, at the end of the pilot, all the Maquis are in uniform with no problem at all. I mean, sure, they felt the Federation turned a blind eye to all the crap going on in the DMZ, but why let that get in the way of sub-par story telling?

Anyway, one of the members of the Maquis crew is B'elana Torres, a half-human, half-Klingon who assaulted a fellow crew-member in the second episode. She was either dropped out or kicked out of the Academy (They never could get the story straight) and yet somehow this person ends up not only becoming chief engineer...but also gets a promotion to Lieutenant even though she didn't even make it through her second year at the Academy.

So think about that: Captain Janeway knows that Harry has worked to be in Starfleet his whole life and yet makes him subordinate to someone who not only couldn't graduate but even fought against the ideals of Starfleet. Oh and that fellow crewman she assaulted? Yeah, he was actually next in line to be chief engineer.

"Life's a bitch, even in the 24th century."

2) Betrayal is Bad but Blue-Balls are Worse-In a later episode we discover that not only was Harry Kim a promising young man on his first assignment, but he was also dating a lovely young woman back on Earth named Libby.

Now, when the love of your life is halfway across the galaxy and probably thinks you're dead...you're gonna play the field. Sadly Harry Kim sucked at relationships and it became a bit of a joke to his best friend, Tom Paris, later in the show. The dude had gone so long without any Starfleet snatch that he fell in love with a hologram. That's right. He fell in love with a computer simulation.

Although he did get a chance to score with one of the hottest babes this side of the Delta Quadrant, Seven of Nine. You might think, "Well, what's the problem?"

I said he did get a chance...but he never took it.
 For a while Harry was attracted to this ex-Borg who was doing her best to regain her humanity and at one point she was willing to go all the way...and Harry declined. Not only did he decline, but he did it in a way that you would have thought she was going to scoop out his eyes with a rusty spoon. Harry, when Seven of Nine offers you sex, you say "YES!!!" Any blue balls after that point are your own fault.

Seriously, Harry...why?

Enter the episode titled "The Disease". He has intimate relations with a member of an alien species without consulting his doctor (A big no-no in the 24th century which didn't exist when Kirk was banging any female that moved a hundred years ago) and more or less picks up VD. I should note that's not entirely what the title of the episode is referring to...give it a watch, you'll understand.

The funny thing is, she was white before Kirk had sex with her

Captain Janeway is not very pleased that her golden officer has broken a rule and gets so pissed off at him that she puts a full reprimand on his file which could affect his future in Starfleet (FYI: It doesn't).

Compare this to the Doctor's actions in the episode "Flesh and Blood". The crew encounters a group of holograms who kidnap the Doctor (A hologram himself) but later return him when they see that he is not a slave. However when he finds out that the Voyager crew are planning to destroy the holograms, he betrays them and sides with the holograms, who also kidnap Torres as well.

I won't go into too many plot details but by the end, the Doctor realizes the error of his ways returns to Voyager. He submits himself for punishment...but Captain Janeway blames herself and says that she is just as responsible. She even goes so far as to call it an "Away mission".

Harry Kim gets laid, does no damage to anyone but himself...full reprimand.

The Doctor betrays his friends and colleagues, does damage to his vessel and endangers many lives...not even a slap on the wrist.

And wait, I recall an episode where the Doctor himself got laid! OK, granted it was...with another hologram. But still...shit!

"Take off your clothes and step into my office."

3. With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?-Within the first episode of Voyager a sort of bromance was established between Harry and former Starfleet/Maquis member Tom Paris. Tom was originally just an observer, on the mission to offer advice on where the Maquis might be hiding. But afterwards when most of the crew was killed, he was given a full promotion to Lieutenant (Just like Torres) and made chief navigator.

I don't have too much of a problem with that because Tom graduated from the Academy and had a career before he was discharged for covering up an accident that killed three officers. He later joined the Maquis for something to do and was arrested on his first mission. But he proved himself a worthy officer for the job and never had any problems.

Except the one time he hijacked a shuttlecraft to launch a terrorist attack against an underworld society that he fell in love in the hopes of saving it and was only stopped thanks to absurd timing on behalf of Captain Janeway, who demoted Tom to the rank of Ensign.

But hey, don't expect to last for too long because less than 18 months later he was back to being a full Lieutenant with the ability to boss Harry around all he wants.

And in that time, there aired an episode titled "Warhead" where a weapon of mass destruction took control of the Doctor's program and was using Voyager to carry him to complete his mission to destroy a civilian settlement.

Locked in Sickbay with the weapon, Harry is able to uncover that the mission has been cancelled and convinces it to abandon it's mission and destroy other weapons on the same mission. So great, Harry saves not only his shipmates and ship, but probably hundreds of thousands (If not millions) of lives...and stays an Ensign.

Garret Wang, the actor who played Harry, actually brought it up to the creators of the show that his character probably should be promoted but they told him that, "Somebody's got to be the Ensign."

I should note that when Star Trek: TNG and Star Trek: DS9 had their series finalies, there were no characters who had the rank of Ensign. Yeah, even a supporting character like Nog, who went to the Academy later than him would get to Lieutenant before Harry did. And to be fair, Harry only got his promotion in paperback books after Voyager went off the air.

"Harry, get your best friend-me-some beer. That's an order!!!"

4) Getting Screwed in Real Life-After Voyager went off the air, Garret Wang has been pretty critical of the show and how it was run and I don't blame him. During the last two years, Star Trek: DS9 felt like it was about a whole group of people on this massive space station.
During the last two years on Star Trek: Voyager, it felt like the show was only about Janeway, Seven of Nine and the Doctor. Wang wasn't a bad actor on the show, none of them were (Except for guest stars) but as characters they weren't given any development sometimes and Harry Kim is the biggest example.

Wang is also the only actor in the history of the franchise to be denied the opportunity to direct an episode of Star Trek. Why that is, I have no clue. They could have done more with his character and had a great opportunity when Wang was named one of People magazine's 50 sexiest people alive.

Harry Kim was a character that could have had a lot of potential but instead he was always getting screwed by the people around him which was a result of the writers and producers. But things could have been worse...he could have been a character on Star Trek: Enterprise.

When two characters have obvious chemistry, the best thing to do is make sure they don't hook up

Fangasm

I don't need to tell you guys that I'm a huge Star Trek fan (I'm not sure whether the term "Trekkie" or "Trekker" is appropriate) and was thrilled last year when I got to attend the Calgary Expo and get the autograph of one Jonathan Frakes (Commander William T. Riker) as well as the awesome Maurice LaMarche (The Brain).

Sometime last week I was browsing through Facebook and got some info from the Calgary Expo's page. Apparently attending the convention, among guest stars Adam West and Robert Englund, was going to include not one, two...but ALL main cast members of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

"Captain, sensors are detecting four Romulan Warbirds surrounding us. Is now really the best time to strike a pose?"

Yeah, I nearly got a boner over that news. Look, back 18 years ago, TNG was the best show on television and whenever I can catch it, I'll give it a watch. Hell, for as big a fan as I am, there are still episodes of that show I haven't seen; and I'm a guy who sat through all of DS9 and Voyager.

The cast is going to be taking part in a large Q&A panel one of the three days of the convention so I'll be trying to attend that because apparently the whole cast hasn't done one together in almost 20 years. So yeah...kind of a big thing. I gotta wonder though, if I got a chance to ask them something, what would I ask. All sorts of possibilities...

Chances are some dumb fan will want to ask Denise Crosby if she could see Tasha hooking up with Data had she not left the show midway through the first season.

Fans think that because they had drunken sex, they must have been in love. The people who think this, coincidentally, have never had sex, drunken or otherwise

If you are that dumb fan, let me hit you with a photon torpedo of knowledge: Denise Crosby herself said, that she would have stayed on the show had she had more scenes between her and Worf like in her final episode Skin of Evil. In that scene, there are some hints that there might be an attraction between the two characters.

But Tasha and Data...well they only did it because they were under the influence of the Psi 2000 virus in The Naked Now. I mean, come on, she knew it was a mistake and afterwards went up to Data and said, "It never happened." However, when she said that, a bunch of fanfic writers heard, "Data, I secretly lust for you!"

OK...back to what I was thinking before: If I had a chance to ask each member of The Next Generation cast a question...what would I ask?

Sir Partick Stewart (Captain Jean-Luc Picard):

-Do you like Earl Gray tea?

-How often do you get mistaken for Telly Savalas?

-Whenever you go to the dentist and you're in the chair, does he ask you how many lights you see?

Jonathan Frakes (Commander William T. Riker)

-Is it fair to say that your beard is the best thing that ever happened to you?

-How much blame do you accept for Star Trek: Insurrection?

-If they ever made a live action Gargoyles movie, would you want to play Xanatos?

Michael Dorn (Lt. Commander Worf)

-How glad were you that Worf on DS9 was the total badass that he was supposed to be...but wasn't on TNG?

-Is there anyone who, if they were any other man, you would kill where they stand? (FYI: My dad loves that line from Star Trek: First Contact)
-What's it like kissing Terry Farrel? Cause I always wanted to do that when I was a kid.

"I am Worf. I go by one name, just like Cher."


Brent Spiner (Lt. Commander Data)
-Is it true you hated Spot?
-Is it true you're currently voicing the Joker in the Young Justice series?
-What did you think of them making Data so annoying in Star Trek: Generations?


Marina Sirtis (Counsellor Deanna Troi)
-Does it bother you that most people find your character useless?
-Who's the better kisser, Frakes or Dorn?
-Uh, what's with all the TNG cast members being on Gargoyles? Though seriously, I thought you were great as Demona.


LeVar Burton (Lt. Commander Geordi LaForge)
-You've gone on record criticizing Nemesis. If JJ Abrams was behind a new movie with your crew, what would you like to see?
-Why did all the bad stuff happen to your character?
-Why did they have to cancel Reading Rainbow?


Gates McFadden (Dr. Beverly Crusher)
-Were you surprised to be asked back for the third season after being absent completely for the second?
-How come the writers never had you do much in the movies?
-Ever have some idiot consult you for medical advice?


Denise Crosby (Lt. Tasha Yar)
-OK, looking back at it, was leaving the show the worst decision ever?
-Would you have appeared as Sela in Star Trek: Nemesis?


Wil Weaton (Ensign Wesley Crusher)
-You're the fat kid from Stand By Me, right?
-Were you the kid with glasses from Stand By Me?
-Wait, I'm sorry, you played the kid everyone hated in that sci-fi series back in the 90's. OK, my question is, did you always want to play Anakin Skywalker?
-OK, real question, how come you weren't in the final episode, All Good Things?

Relax, I would never ask questions so stupid. Chances are if I did get a chance to ask them all a question it would be something cheesy like, What was the best episode you guys ever did? or Would you ever be interested in seeing a reboot done to your show like they did with the last movie?

Either way, I'm really looking forward to this convention, getting some autographs (I urge people to get a free autograph from voice artists whenever you can. They're so nice, very friendly and will more than likely break into character at the drop of a hat. Plus no damn fees for pictures), new reading material, novelty clothes and maybe pick up some art. I got a few pictures last year but they seem more appropriate for a scrapbook. Still, I can't wait to see what the Calgary Expo has for us later this year.

My Favourite Christmas Themed Entertainment

Last year around this time I presented to you my list of The Greatest Christmas Specials Never, a list of Christmas specials that we sadly never got to see (My sister thought the Full House one was real). However this year, I think I'm going to go over some of my favourite Christmas themed episodes from TV series as well as movies that some people may not pay much attention to. So without further ado, grab yourself some egg-nog, sit down and enjoy my list of Favourite Christmas Themed Entertainment EVER!!!

1) Batman: The Animated Series-"Christmas With the Joker"

OK, if you don't like this show at all (I'm looking at you, Katelynn) then I have to question your sanity. And if you can't enjoy watching Batman and Robin trying to stop the Joker from killing three of our favourite side characters on Christmas eve, then you lack a soul.

One of the many things that made this series work was that they had an incredible cast of voice actors. Every voice suited the character it belonged to and no greater example could be made than Mark Hamill as the Joker. I'm sorry, a part of me still can't believe that freakin' Luke Skywalker voiced Batman's greatest nemesis. And Hamill just shines in this episode, from the opening scene where he escapes from Arkham Asylum (He waves goodbye to Charles Manson just before exiting-I shit you not) to when he uses a sock puppet to blow up a bridge that a train is crossing. You can laugh along with him and at the same time he has enough of an edge that makes you think, "Yeah, I'm not fuckin' with this dude."

Looking like this and still managing to be threatening is why Mark Hamill is the best Joker. Sorry, Heath

Apparently the Joker was originally supposed to kidnap some random family but the network had the writers change it to Commissioner Gordon and the lot because a random family might have been frightening to younger audiences. Look, I think I was six when this episode first aired and nothing about this show ever frightened me.

It's a great episode from a great series and the perfect way to put you in the crime-fighting mood this holiday season.

2) A Pinky and the Brain Christmas

According to my father, he came home from work early one morning, turned on the TV and caught and episode of the awesome Pinky and the Brain and was hooked. We watched it when it aired in prime time on Sunday nights and we loved it. So when we found out that there was going to be a full half-hour Christmas special, we knew that we had to tape it for him.

Going undercover as elves at the North Pole, our two favourite rodents bent on global domination attempt to have Santa plant a brainwashing toy in every house throughout the world. Of course things can't go right and that's where the episode shines in terms of comedy and moments that tug at your heart.

I watched this episode just yesterday and I can honestly say that near the end as the Brain reads Pinky's letter I was getting misty eyed.

Yeah, that show A) how emotionally screwed up I am and B) that this show truly was one of the best things on TV at the time. I haven't been able to catch it on TV in years and was lucky to find it online but if you're fumbling around cable and happen to see it on your program guide, stop what you're doing for 30 minutes and watch this because it is genius that's currently lacking in today's TV programs.

A quick note: When we watched this in 1996, the scene where Brain screams at Pinky, "Give me that stupid letter" caused me and my sisters to laugh and say, "That's Dad."

3) Batman Returns

This movie takes place around Christmastime and for some reason I really get in the mood to watch it around this time of year. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with a recent podcast I did with The Basement Vagrants but for the past few days I've had this movie on my mind.

Is it a perfect movie? No, not really but in a way it seems perfect for it's time and a good adaptation of the Caped Crusader. However it is entertaining and doesn't leave me bored. I remember being a little kid, begging my parents to let me see this movie. Sadly, at the time, they sucked as parents and said no. However that didn't stop them from buying me Batman toys and storybooks based on the movie that was apparently too violent and vulgar for me. Hypocrisy much, Mom and Dad?

PS: I think the Wayne Manor/Batcave playset is still in their crawlspace and for sale I might add. We shall start the bidding at $1000

I think I might even have the box this came in

4) Gordon Ramsay Christmas Specials

If food porn like this doesn't have you salivating for holiday meals, then I don't know what will. True story, last year when I was home for Christmas, I showed this video to my Dad, who immediately demanded I go out and by croissants and smoked salmon. This was Christmas eve but I was able to get it done cause I'm awesome. We made this Christmas morning just like Ramsay shows you and it was really amazing.

5) Almost Every Christmas Themed Sketch from Mad TV

I'm sure I've said it before but I'll say it again: During the mid 90's to early 2000's, Mad TV did stuff that would have me in stitches while Saturday Night Live was descending into the mediocrity it happily resides at today. It can't hold a candle to what Mad TV was doing and it's a pity that the seasons haven't been released on DVD yet. Anyway, there are so many sketches to go over so I'll just give a quick rundown of some of my favourite Christmas themed sketches from Mad TV.

A) Magic Johnson's Kwanzaa Special

Aries Spears is someone who could make my Dad laugh doing anything and he was in top form when parodying former NBA superstar and failed talk show host, Magic Johnson. While they could have gone the easy route and makes jokes about Johnson being HIV positive, Spears plays him as an illiterate idiot, being cancelled by the networks at every turn. I think what also makes this sketch work is Pat Kilbane as Al Gore. I can honestly see the former VP going up to Magic and saying, "As salaam alaikum".

B) Rooftop Memories

When I was younger, I would be the one who would heave to help my parents put up the lights around the house for the holidays. Now that I don't live there anymore, I don't know who helps or even if they bother to put up the lights. However, if they are still putting them out, I imagine this is how it usually goes.

C) Opening Christmas Presents from Mom

I'm not going to name names, but at least over ten years ago, I recall a girl I know being worried around Christmas because she was afraid she would appear ungrateful by not showing enough verbal excitement over what she was given. It had her worked up to the point of tears which made me want to smack the stupid out of her.

Anyway, this sketch reminds me of her. While everyone is opening up their presents they receive from the mother, despite the excitement over what they're getting, she seems to think that they hate their gifts. The sketch reaches it's comedy climax when Alex Borestein screams, "What is your problem, you rag bitch!?" This is a common line when opening Christmas presents at my house.

D) Holiday Fantanas

I've never had a Fanta drink in my life so I don't know if they are as good as this sketch claims. However Paul Vogt, the actor who plays Beth, apparently took inspiration for his character by viewing footage of my younger sister drunk on the Internet. He has her mannerisms down pat.

E) Santa's Real Workshop

Look, we all know that toys aren't made at the North Pole, so what would happen if a little kid found out where all of Santa's workforce comes from?

Plus, I wish I could be like this Santa. Just walking around all day, pelting people with sugar cubes.

F) Stuart's Nativity Play

What kind of Mad TV list would this be without an entry involving Stuart?

For as many people I know who love Michael McDonald's signature character, there are just as many who HATE this character. I think the people who hate Stuart are more upset that kids like him exist in real life and have parents that are just as doting and blind as Doreen. This is your average Stuart sketch, him being bratty, somehow getting down to bikini briefs and saying, "Look what I can do!" but at the same time, it's Stuart playing Jesus. You don't see that everyday.

G) Suge Knight's Christmas Album

Again, with just the simple motion of opening his eyes really wide with his with that our family come join his for the holidays, Aries Spears had my dad in stitches. The Eminem parody might be a bit off today but ten years ago that was dead on.

H) Paul Timberman, Christmas Tree Episode

The joke in my family is that this character is based on my Opa, who has had several injuries in his life but never quite to the extreme as poor Paul Timberman.

I) Tickle Me Emo

This was one of the few Mad TV sketches that was able to get the YouTube treatment with people making hundreds of copies of it. This was a hilarious take on those damned Tickle Me Asshole Elmo dolls which came out at the time. What surprised me about that video was the debates some people would get into about Emo's. Some objected to Emo having a My Chemical Romance sticker on his vest but who gives a shit. It's funny. Laugh, damn you!!!

6) Mickey's Christmas Carol

I remember having this on tape as a little kid and probably haven't seen it in over 20 years. It's a very faithful adaptation of the Dickens classic and shorter than I remember considering that they are able to cram it into a half hour short feature. A lot of today's younger generation probably won't recognize some of the characters from less familiar Disney features but they're bound to enjoy it nonetheless. The scene with Scrooge falling into his grave near the end always freaked the shit out of me.
Say what you want about Disney being for little kids, it's a hell of a lot better than that damn adaptation with Jim Carrey from two years ago.

7) The Muppet Christmas Carol

I was bored last weekend and decided to see if this was any good and despite being mostly marketed at kids, this was actually pretty well done and more faithful than the Disney version above. Plus, it's got frickin' Michael Caine as Scrooge and he's awesome in almost everything.

What I actually like about this is that there aren't any familiar muppets as the three spirits that visit Scrooge. In fact, most people compare them to Harry Potter characters than anything Jim Henson created. It's your usual Muppet tale with humans interacting with creatures like it's an everyday thing and stuff like fruits and vegetables talking (Who eats that stuff?) and was the first Muppet movie made after Jim Henson died.
I think he'd be impressed with what they did.

Speaking of a Christmas Carol, I was hoping to find the 1999 version with Patrick Stewart but all I can find is just trailers from YouTube. I'm a bit let down that people nerdier than me haven't uploaded it because it's fucking Captain Picard playing Scrooge. Who wouldn't love to see that?

Simpsons Did It Last Week, Seth!!!

When I was a little kid, my parents were prudes and therefore, sucked at times. I remember being 10 years old and both of them denying me to watch The Simpsons. These days I do my best to prevent children from watching The Simpsons but that's for entirely different reasons which should be obvious to everyone.

However imagine my shock and amazement in 1999 when there was no objection to us watching Family Guy. Maybe my dad was starting to develop a sense of humour, maybe he was attracted by the  main character who may or may not remind others of him, who knows? But we used to watch it together and laugh...until it got cancelled.

What is the most commonly used phrase at the FOX network?

I was excited when it came back. However that excitement quickly faded when I saw that the episodes were...not bad (Not yet, anyway) but underwhelming. They just seemed focused on dragging scenes on and on with boring dialogue, repetitive jokes that didn't go anywhere and musical numbers that made it obvious the writers were putting little effort into what they were doing.

I haven't watched any episodes within the last two years because I got tired of the same jokes over and over and Seth MacFarlane singing. To me, it looked like they were going to keep milking this cow for as long as they could like The Simpsons did and he would do the same with American Dad and The Cleavland Show. It's not like a lot of creative process was going into the making of those shows anyway.

Do I need to go on?

So you can imagine my shock when I read this week that Seth MacFarlane was thinking about ending Family Guy. Now, this might have a lot of fanboys turning white with fear but I don't think you have anything to fear. Look, if he wants it to end, then he would have ended it. Don't be dumb like Larry King and think Seinfeld was cancelled; it went off the air because Jerry Seinfeld felt he had done enough and because he didn't want to do any more episodes.

So what's holding you back, Seth? Surely you read Internet message boards (Probably not) but even you have to know that the quality of the show has dropped big time. Talk to any fan and they'll most likely say that the stuff from the first three season were the best the show ever did.

Look, Seth, I know that people have accused you in the past of copying from The Simpsons but you're doing that right now. For the past two weeks there was all this talk about The Simpsons cast having to take a pay cut and whether it might mean the end of the show or not. Though given how often the show is on so much in syndication, they must be making royalties off of that (Occupy Evergreen Terrace, anyone?) and given how the show is shit these days, the pay cut is well deserved.

And all this talk about you wanting to bring back Star Trek to TV? Look, I already went into great detail about this on the last podcast I did for The Basement Vagrants, it's probably going to be a long time before we see Star Trek on TV and even then there's no guarantee it will succeed. Besides, you're already concerned with bringing The Flintstones back to TV (Cuz the 18-24 male demographic was begging for that) so just leave the 24th century alone.

And there might be some people who say, "Hey, he's a Trek fan and he also guest starred on episodes of Star Trek! Why not him?"

My response:

A) So what if he was a guest star on an episode? William Shatner was the star of the franchise and yet we still got the cosmic turd known as Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. And yeah, I know about the difficulties involved in making that film. I don't give a shit.

B) He was a guest star on an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise. And that's all I will say about that

In conclusion, I don't believe Seth when he says stuff like this. If he wanted to end it, he would have ended it or announced that this would be the last season. I personally think he's just making this up in a pathetic attempt to draw ratings. But if you are sincere in your claims, do it sooner than later.

What is the favourite activity of FOX animation writers?

Beware of Beware The Batman

I hate repeating myself but as most of you have gathered from my review of the graphic novel Batman: Year One, I'm a huge fan of the Caped Crusader. Hell, I can remember the first time I watched Batman: The Animated Series when I was a kid. It was an awesome series and set the standard for other superhero cartoons.

They tried to make other Batman cartoons after the DCAU (DC Animated Universe) came to an end when Justice League: Unlimited (A spin-off of Batman: TAS) aired it's finale in 2006. Warner Bros. animation started before that and aired a new series simply called The Batman in 2004. I watched a few episodes of it because I am an immature little man wanted to see what they would do that the first series hadn't done before. Giving the Joker dreadlocks was not one of the great decisions. I mean, if you want to give the Joker a new direction, dreadlocks are not the answer.

This picture pretty much speaks for itself

Some of the latest cartoon superhero shows have been pretty good. I've been watching Young Justice and that's a really cool show. I've always wanted to check out Batman: The Brave and the Bold but something about it just keeps me away. Maybe because I'm older, I want something a little darker and more character driven out of my superheroes and there's nothing like that for Batman. At least not yet. Cartoon Network recently announced that they would be launching a new series in two years with an interesting title, Beware the Batman.

Cool, maybe a different origin story like The Batman was but didn't succeed at. Darker incarnations of The Joker, Riddler, Two-Face with amazing animation and...

...What the Bat-fuck?

Look, I'm all for the evolution of animation but...CG animated Batman is not the way to go. My friend Aaron is a fan of the Green Lantern. I personally have no interest because his weakness is the colour yellow. So yeah, piss on him and he's useless. But when I heard that there was going to be a Green Lantern cartoon series, I thought it would be interesting to check out.

What turned me off from it right away was that it was CG animated. I'm sorry, when everything looks like something you'd see on a TV show for babies, it's not going to attract me as a viewer. The same goes for this.

And plus...is that a guy wearing a pig mask? I'll admit, I'm doing my best to follow DC's New 52 universe with some difficulty but is Batman fighting a man in a pig mask now? Plus I think that's a frog or just a messed up version of Killer Croc beside the pig. And...who's the chick with white hair? Wasn't she in Monsters vs Aliens?

Kinda looks like her...make her eyes darker and that's it

However if there's one thing that absolutely disgusts me about this, it's Alfred. You're probably thinking, "Gee, Schweitzer-Man, got something against the English?" Normally, no, but in this case, Alfred is what's going to ruin the show. You don't even have to be a huge Batman fan to know who Alfred is. The old guy, loyal butler to the Wayne family, always tidying up Wayne Manor, creating an alibi for his boss and tending to any wounds got on the battlefield.

So why in the hell did the creators of the show decide that they would make Alfred be wielding guns to help Batman fight crime. Now, let's look at this logically: Batman, who's own parents were murdered after being shot by a petty criminal, thinks that the best way to fight crime is to have a senior citizen going around and SHOOTING THE BAD GUYS WITH GUNS!? And those look like real guns. Most kids shows today just have the bad guys shooting laser weapons of some kind but those look like bullets coming out of Alfred's gun. That's just what Gotham needs; a near senile butler going around shooting people he thinks are criminals because they don't know where he can find Gold Bond at 2:30 in the morning.

"Do you want me to put a cap in your ass?"

I'd go into his sidekick not being Robin but instead some chick with a sword but I'm not going to. To sum it up, this looks like one big pile of Bat-crap. Let's just hope they don't get Frank Miller to write a few episodes.

Bringing Real Life to Sesame Street

Like a lot of kids, I watched Sesame Street when I was a little kid. By the time you're about four years old you've outgrown it but still, it's one of the first TV shows that you watch. And you can probably remember most of the characters: Big Bird, Snuffy, Grover, Elmo and of course Ernie and Bert.

Now, before I get into this whole controversy about the petition to get them married, let me just say that this never occurred to me until I was about 12. That was when Jerry Falwell was railing against the Teletubby known as Tinky Winky, insisting that he was a homosexual character. I remember a comedian suggesting that if Falwell go after any characters that were supposedly gay, he should go after Bert and Ernie.

Can you tell me how to get the hell out of this neighbourhood?

And yeah, everyone's joked about this but in all seriousness, come on, do you really think this stupid petition is going to work? They're fucking muppets, they don't have a sexual orientation. But I've seen things from the other side and thought, "Why should we stop with gay marriage for Bert and Ernie? Shouldn't this show cover other hot topic issues that younger audiences might care about?" I thought so and that's why I wrote a letter to Childrens Television Workshop, detailing some very interesting storylines which I'm sure views will enjoy.

1. Immigration-Maria and Luis decide to go on a cross country road trip but encounter some trouble when they enter the state of Arizona. It turns out that Luis has been living in the country illegally and now faces deportation! The residents of Sesame Street rally to try and get a good lawyer as well as teach children outside of North America how to keep a low profile while waiting for your fake green card to arrive in the mail.

Naturally I don't think this would work in real life because, I mean, come on, Sesame Street teaching kids to break the law? You're more likely to find an episode of Barney where he teaches those kids how to roll a joint.

This would attract the 18-39 demographic that always eludes them...

2. Hoarding-After black mold nearly kills him, Oscar the Grouch is confronted by the residents of Sesame Street about his lifestyle. It is revealed that Oscar has abandonment issues and fears losing everything of value which is why he holds onto everything...even if it really has no value. It is also revealed that Oscar hasn't bathed since the Truman administration.

This will be a great chance for Sesame Street to do a crossover with A&E's Hoarders. Plus, it'll teach children at an early age that no matter how bad you think your own life is, there's always someone on TV you can point to and say, "Holy shit, that dude's messed up!"

3. Narcissism-Elmo gets his ass kicked by people who are sick and tired of his dumb 'Tickle-Me' ass always speaking in the third person. He is encouraged to get well but also told that it will probably happen again unless he doesn't change his ways.

I don't care if I sound like a total asshole when I call for the beating and near death of a "beloved" television character. Would you want your kid to grow up always referring to themselves in the third person? No, it's annoying and you'd kick their ass if they weren't your kid. And if you say you wouldn't then you need your ass kicked.

Someone has to stop him...

4. Addiction-Everyone knows that Big Bird's best friend is Mr. Snuffeupagus, also commonly referred to as "Snuffy". But it is revealed that the nickname comes not from a shortening of his last name, but due to his addiction to cocaine. Snuffy is caught by Big Bird doing three lines of cocaine, each line a metre long. He insists that he can quit anytime but decides to go to rehab after nearly ODing outside Mr. Hooper's store.

This would be a great episode to show kids that it's OK to ask for help when you've really fucked up. And it would also show that if you care enough about your friends, you'll do anything you can to help them. Plus it would include special guest star Charlie Sheen as himself.

The way this guy spoke, you knew he was on something illegal

5. Facing Facts-I'm not sure about the rest of you, but sometimes when I was a little kid, I wasn't sure if Big Bird was a guy or just a really butchy female bird. Now it's obvious that he's a boy but since we're trying to cater to all audiences, why not just have Big Bird admit that he's a hermaphrodite?

Why not? Come on, everyone knows this one is true. You can have Big Bird admit that he's a hermaphrodite and have special guest star Lady Gaga do the same thing. That and have someone beat her up for her narcissism as well.

Oh you've gotta be kidding me. And I thought Paris Hilton was desperate for attention

Damn Your Eyes!

This summer, most of my TV viewing has one way or another involved Gordon Ramsay. If I'm not looking forward to catching the latest episode of Hell's Kitchen, I'm watching last night's installment of MasterChef. Yeah, they're formulaic as hell (Especially Hell's Kitchen) but they're still enjoyable, mostly because the challenges are interesting, the contestants have personalities and because Gordon Ramsay is the last person you could describe as boring.

But lately, I've picked up on something on MasterChef that's just...really annoyed me. Was it the faked audition shots? Not in the least. Was it a contestant who I wanted to smack upside the head? No. In fact it had to do with one of the judges. Don't worry, Chef Ramsay hasn't done anything wrong. He's been his usual self. It has to do with one of the other judges, Joe Bastianich.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed this but the next time you turn on MasterChef, or watch an episode on YouTube, pay particular attention to the scenes where the contestants present their dishes to the judges. Joy, for whatever reason he's got, always feels the need to stare at the contestants while he's eating. I'm not joking, he will be looking them in the eye while getting the food on the utensil, navigating the utensil to his mouth, opens his mouth, chews and swallows; eyes are all the contestant.

Just imagine his jaw moving up and down...up and down...

Come on, Joe, surely you have better manners than that. I mean, yeah, I know some people might excuse it as an attempt to put the pressure on the contestants. But here's the thing, I think that trying to cook a perfect dish to reflect a certain theme with a specific group of ingredients within a certain time frame against several other chefs who may be equally or more talented than you while being judged by two highly acclaimed chefs and a well established restaurateur with such a lucrative grand prize at stake is pressure enough.

Plus, is that how you eat dinner when your wife makes you dinner or you eat at a friend's place? Do you sit across from them and stare at them like a really bad Bond villain? Sorry, but it just doesn't seem like good table manners. And I don't care if there isn't a table on MasterChef, the staring is just creepy.

"Are these scallops...undercooked, Mr. Bond?"

Men, imagine you're at a urinal. All of a sudden some guy takes the one right next to you and while he's bleeding the lizard, he stares at you. He's not looking at your dick, he's looking at your face. No emotion on his face, just big wide eyes, trying to size you up while he's pissing as well. You'd be a little uncomfortable to say the least.

Look, I have nothing against the guy, he's very knowledgeable and very successful. Just...stop looking at people when you're eating their food. It's like you're trying too hard to stand out and hope some executive at the Food Network offers you your own show. That or you're worries the contestants are going to take the food from you.

Calgary Expo 2011

After missing the Calgary Expo last year due to my bosses being complete assholes and changing my schedule at the last minute, I was determined to make it this year. While I do count myself as a big nerd, I wasn't about to dress up for several reasons:

A) I do not own a costume or Starfleet uniform

B) I really don't want the attention.

However I did want to show that I was a part of the community and thus wore my Green Lantern t-shirt, despite the fact that I don't care at all about Green Lantern and find his weakness to be laughable at best.

So off I went, on the C-Train after arriving home at work and failing to get in a quick cat-nap. As I rode, I saw that I couldn't see anyone cos-playing but quite a lot of people with weekend passes. And since I wasn't too familiar with where I was going, I just decided that I would follow someone and do my best not to look like a tourist in a city I've lived in for almost two years.

Entering the convention reminded me of that scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey where Bowman reaches the monolith and says, "My god, it's full of stars" and is then exposed to a screensaver (Can you explain to me what I'm watching in that movie?). However instead of stars, it was just nerds. And yet it was so awesome. I was overwhelmed by the numbers and I was expecting a lot of people to show. This is what happens when you say that Star Trek is better than Star Wars out loud

I knew that there was a lot of stuff to see but at the same time I was just so overwhelmed by the people I saw. On my left I saw Robocop looking through comic books from the fifties while a guy in a Superman costume handled a boa constrictor. On my right, a ninja from the Villiage Hidden in the Leaves shopped shuriken (Throwing stars). It was like I had travelled into a modern day version of the Mos Eisley Spaceport. Every life form from pop-culture converged on that large area and were all cool with each other. Even though I was tired from being up all night before, I suddenly got a surge of energy that would carry me through the day.

One of the first booths I wanted to check out was for Blind Ferret Entertainment, a Montreal based group which produces the webcomics Least I Could Do, Looking for Group and Gutters. I don't read Looking for Group but the other two I keep up to date with. While LICD may not be for everyone (You'll be offended eventually and most likely laugh at the same time in the back of your mind), I find it enjoyable and decided to pick up a volume of their work.

Now you might be saying, "Uh, Schweitzer-Man, you can read every strip online...for free!" True, but I like that the book came with creator commentary on the strips. And besides, I get a free reusable bag out of the deal, so we all win. Plus I got it autographed by writer Ryan Sohmer and artist Lar DeSouza.
Least I Could Do is about a narcissist who uses his charm, humour and vivid imagination as much as possible to enjoy life. Why are you all looking at me like that?

Now of course the big deal about this convention was the the one and only, two time Emmy winner, Golden Globe winner and of course, the man who put the "star" in Star Trek, William Shatner was going to be there. And if Shatner is going to be there, then there's going to be a massive lineup for his autograph. And if Shatner is giving autographs...then you're going to be paying a lot. I think I heard that it was $40 for just a picture with him and $75 if I wanted an autograph.

Considering that the man is still able to get work these days, I have to wonder why I should have to pay for his signature? Now, if the money is going to a good cause (Which I like to think), then I'm pretty cool with it. However I heard from someone that Shatner wasn't really interacting with people; that he was just signing the photos and moving on. Now should I ever get rich and famous (Support this cause by giving me lots of money!), one thing I'll do if I'm ever at a convention, is not only sign what you want my autograph on, but also take a few seconds to talk to you. "Hey, how's it going? Enjoying your day? Favourite episode is...?"
The reason these people got where they are is due to the fans.

This was the closest I got to getting a picture of William Shatner

However after hours of wandering around, I saw there were lineups to get photos and autographs from voice actors. I was initially going to get one from Vic Mingnona but didn't at the last minute mainly because I can only think of one anime he'd been in and that was Full Metal Panic.

However, I did see one voice actor's name and instantly knew that even if I had to face a thousand Klingons, I would get Maurice LaMarche's autograph for my dad. Back in the mid-90's, there were awesome cartoons on at the time. Animaniacs being one as well as it's spin-off show, Pinky and the Brain. Now my dad's pretty old school about animation. If it doesn't involve anything that includes the voices of Mel Blanc then he honestly couldn't give a shit. You could show him the lastest English dubbed anime from Japan but he would much rather watch Foghorn Leghorn smack that dumb dog on the ass with a stick. My dad could probably look at this picture all day and laugh

However, he loved to watch Pinky and the Brain. He would listen to the Brain insult people, things, Pinky and would laugh his ass off. One of his favourite moments is when Brain super-imposes a picture of himself on a horse with Pinky's head and says, "Here I am atop the beast of ignorance." So when I saw that Maurice LaMarche was not only going to be signing autographs and posing for autographs for free, I instantly got in line and waited forty-five minutes.

It was worth it because I had some interesting conversations with other fans as well as heard some gay guy lisping about how he didn't know anything about Pinky and the Brain.

"Oh, isn't that the show where there's like a grumpy mouse and a happy mouse?" he mused.

I would have smacked the stupid out of him right then and then however I was getting closer to Maurice.

"I'm not sure if this will be safe for Slimer," he said as Egon from The Real Ghostbusters. As I got closer and closer, I started to feel a bit nervous. Granted I wasn't meeting Shatner but this was the next best thing.

Maurice shook my hand, smiled and couldn't have been nicer, even breaking out the voice of The Brain to say a word to my father. If you want to check it out, just follow this link. Part of me wishes I had said a little more to him but I didn't want to sound like some blabbering fanboy. However, if there's anything I regret not saying, it's that my younger sister used the song Brainstem to study in her nursing program."Hello, I'm Maurice LaMarche and I'm awesome. YES!!!"

I thought about getting into the line for Rob Paulsen (He did the voice of Pinky and a lot of other characters) but that was three times as long and I was lucky to get to the front of mine early. No, I would have to wait another time. One thing I also regret missing was a panel Maurice, Rob and Jess Harnell (The voice of Wakko) took place in. Apparently they took turns doing William Shatner impressions and did other things too. I have no idea if anyone asked Rob to recite Yakko's World but I've seen video of him doing it before and that would have been cool to see.

I kept wandering around with no clear goal in mind. As the final hour approached, I got near the autograph section again and saw that there was a very short lineup to get an autograph from Jonathan Frakes, who played Commander Riker on Star Trek: The Next Genearation and also hosted Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction, which was sort of like a modern day Twilight Zone or Alfred Hitchcock Presents. This I couldn't pass up, especially since in the third grade, I wrote a brief explination to a magazine, explaining why Riker was my favourite character. Looking back at that letter, I can say that it's poorly written and I only picked Riker because all the characters were my favourite. But it still got published anyway.

Regretfully, I wasn't allowed to film my encounter with Frakes but he was nice, shook my hand, signed my picture and thanked me for coming out. I didn't mind shilling out $20 for that. By that point, fatigue was beginning to set in. I could write a whole other paragraph or five about my adventures with Calgary transit, however I expect you're pretty tired from reading this already. All in all, it was a great time, I'll be going back in 2012 and getting a weekend pass.Probably my favourite picture I took that day. I don't know why but it feels like a perfect representation of this convention